


Pieces.

by Shadows_of_The_Night11



Series: A hundred lives. [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-19 10:17:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9435794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadows_of_The_Night11/pseuds/Shadows_of_The_Night11
Summary: The world falls apart again and Kara can't do a thing to stop it.  She can't handle Alex's absence when Alex is her everything and she has so many things to say. Maybe Kara learned things too late but maybe she'll have a second chance.





	1. The beginning of the end.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first chapter of this work. I hope you guys like it despite the pain you'll have to endure. I love Alex with my soul and don't worry. This story will probably have a happy ending just trust me a little bit.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Kara knows that her life wouldn’t be the same without Alex by her side. She wouldn’t be able to be Supergirl and fight the bad guys without that part of herself that wasn’t solely hers anymore but it was more Alex’s. They belonged together and it was like that since the moment Kara was a part of the Danvers family even if the beginning was a little rough.

 

They were stronger together and Alex was the only reason she felt at home in a foreign planet. She was the first step to a new life and Kara knew that Alex was going to stay there no matter what. College was not an obstacle and later on neither was work.

 

Supergirl is used to fighting by now, after two years of a being a hero, and her abilities are increased by her constant training. She’s always willing to learn and improve the powers she gained on Earth. Alex taught her that strength and power are not always the key to victory. Hence why Kara started spending more time training even if Alex is still better at hand on hand combat and she has no trouble pinning Kara to the ground.

 

By the present time, Kara can defeat most aliens and metahumans. No one can deny how powerful she is and the enemies hiding on the shadows now respect her more than they ever did Superman. But the same heightened senses that give her strength are the same ones that turn into her biggest weakness when she’s not able to control them.

 

This time she’s fighting another escapee of Fort Rozz and suddenly there’s too much noise and too much light and everything just hurts. Her senses are overwhelmed in the middle of the battle with that huge alien that is at least three times her size. She hits the ground with her knees and tries to block out the rest of the world by pressing her hands against her ears while closing her eyes at the same time. But it’s too much and she can’t just keep it away no matter how hard she tries.

 

It’s like her first days on Earth all over again.

 

Kara has no control over her vision. It keeps changing between x-ray and normal just to burn with her heat vision a moment later. The yellow Sun hurts her eyes more than her own powers and the sound of the entire city collapses into an unavoidable wave that crashes violently upon her. She can’t really fight like that. She can’t even think or take a moment to breathe.

 

Her opponent laughs and she wants to defeat him just so he can shut up. But he’s stronger while she is overwhelmed by the world and he hits her on the mid section sending her flying backwards and crashing roughly against a car. The alarm sets off and Kara groans in pain because she really doesn’t need the additional noise.

 

There are voices on her ears; all asking questions or barking orders making her wince before taking her earcom off. She wonders if anyone can really comprehend what’s going on because she can hear everything and everyone even without using that piece of technology.

 

“Supergirl.” A voice calls softly enough to catch Kara’s attention without causing her pain. “You need to focus and get over with him. You’re our only chance.”

 

There’s Alex, standing less than ten feet away; shooting Kryptonite bullets to the alien but they do nothing. He has an armour capable of protecting him against the radioactive mineral. It helds and odd resemblance to the armours that Astra and Non used to fight some time ago. Whatever new tech they came up with made them immune to Kryptonite and almost completely invulnerable. So Kara knows that Alex’s right. Supergirl is their only chance.

 

The alien laughs and charges again. He hits Kara once more and this time his strength is enough to break Kara’s skin. Her bottom lip is bleeding and she feels weak even when the yellow Sun of Earth is shining mockingly above their heads.

 

She feels so tired and maybe she is. She’s tired of a life long uled by fighting against her true nature and the strict control she needed to keep over her powers. She didn’t suffer night after night to control her nature just to be reminded of how painful it was by that hideous _thing._

 

The world starts spinning and for a second Kara thinks that perhaps she’s feeling the real speed of earth’s movements because she could swear she’s feeling every little change beneath her feet.

 

She closes her eyes and realizes that maybe there’s nothing she can do to defeat that alien when her senses are overwhelmed. There’s nothing Kara can do to regain her control when things keep happening and Kara feels like she is thirteen again.

 

“Kara.” Alex speaks again and her voice calms Kara enough to keep listening. “I need you to remember when you were young and unable to control your powers.” It’s no surprise that Alex is the first, and only, to catch exactly what’s going on. “My father gave you the glasses to keep your x-ray vision on check but you found a way to control _all_ your powers at the same time. It was your secret, you refused to tell anyone how you did it, but it always worked and we never pushed. I’m sure you never forgot about it.” There’s just a moment of hesitation before Alex is talking to her again. “Use it now. Whatever it was, I’m sure you can do it again even after such a long time. At least try it.”

 

Kara raises her chin to meet Alex’s eyes for a brief second and the world stops spinning so fast when their eyes finally meet.

 

There’s concern in hazel eyes and Kara hates herself for a moment because she’s the one that causes that feeling in Alex’s chest every time she throws herself into the middle of a dangerous situation. There’s nothing she can do now that she is Supergirl.

 

It doesn’t matter how strong she is because she will always need Alex to be there. Alex is stronger than any alien or metahuman that Kara has ever meet but she’s so fragile at the same time. It’s not all about how easy is to break her bones with a tight hug but about the many reasons why Alex never lets people get too close; except Kara. She found a way through all her barriers and now she lives deep there; inside Alex’s heart.

 

Kara closes her eyes and gets back in time even when her body is still in the middle of a fight. She feels the power of a huge fist crushing her ribs but she barely moves this time. She’s there but at the same time she _isn’t._

 

Her mind wanders to the past and to those nights where nightmares were too real and her tears fell freely. She thinks about the moments of loneliness that came with the knowledge that her family was dead and her entire world was nothing but dust scattered across the universe. Every memory was shattered back then and air wasn’t able to get into her lungs but she found solace in the people living at the Danvers’ house.

 

Eliza wasn’t her mother but she wasn’t trying to. Instead she offered kind words and was patient with someone completely new to this world. She took care of Kara with gentle hands and showed her how to survive in the new environment.

 

Jeremiah was strong but gentle and maybe the light on his eyes ignited a little flame of hope within Kara. He was the paternal figure that Kal-El wasn’t ready to be and he  taught her to be kind with those they loved but he also taught her to be kinder with those that hated them.

 

Finally, there was Alexandra Danvers. Alex.

 

Kara found peace in Alex when there were storms in her mind. Her soft voice never hurt sensitive ears and her presence, always strong and confident but soft and gentle altogether, made Kara feel safe. Alex always found a way to make things right.

 

No one knew, or knows, about those days when Alex would sense her distress even when they weren’t sharing a room. No one knows that Alex would slip into bed with Kara and hold her close until the nightmares went away or tears finally stopped. They never talked because there was no way Kara could explain her feelings in a language that she barely knew without breaking down again and there was nothing Alex could say to ease the ache on Kara’s heart.

 

So no, they never talked but Alex was Kara’s hero even then. She was bright enough to keep the nightmares at bay and return a little of light to blue eyes with each passing day. Kara would lay her head on Alex’s chest, listening intently to her steady heartbeat that soon would lull her into a peaceful slumber. It was so simple and yet it was all it took to make things right.

 

This time shouldn’t be different and it’s not.

 

Kara focus her attention on Alex and the world finally stops for a second. She counts the heartbeats in a minute and breathes in and out in pace with Alex’s heart until Kara feels like herself again. Her eyes don’t burn with heat anymore and when she opens them she can see clearly. Light is just light and her control comes back to keep fighting.

 

She’s back on Supergirl mode but her ears can’t pick on the alien’s goran when she’s filled with the steady rhythm of Alex’s heart. That’s all that matters because Alex is her secret. She was always the key to Kara’s control but she never understood it just accepted it.

 

She hits the alien as hard as she can and it’s enough to make him stumble back while making him angrier. Kara gets a glimpse of the “Lord Industries” logo on his suit and somehow everything makes sense.

 

Maxwell Lord has to do something with this. Probably he designed the armor that is causing Kara more trouble than any other thing in the world. Kara knows that there would be excuses and ex employers to take the blame of Lord’s inventions because he always manages to avoid the fire.

 

Kara pushes through her anger, that’s not the way to win a fight, but she can use _his_ anger as a weapon. He is far bigger and stronger and that can be her advantage.

 

She hits her enemy again just when he shoots some kind of arrow that raises from his thick skin and it reminds Kara of one of the first aliens that Kara fought.

 

It barely brushes Kara before breaking and falling to the ground with a swirl of black smoke.

 

Kara can only register the slightest amount of pain before the alien gets ready to shoot again. He aims at Kara and follows every movement with precise speed that leaves Kara no other option than to push forward. Kara moves out of the way, barely, when the next arrow is shooted and her fist impacts against a square jaw.

 

Her power is enough to knock the alien and she hurries to turn him around while taking off the device that is putting her senses on edge. She wants to crush the tiny metal device and end her internal war but it’s evidence against Lord and she hopes it’s enough to put an end to that man.

 

She allows herself a little triumphant smile when the world becomes silent.

 

It takes two seconds, three missed heartbeats, for Kara to realize that the silence is absolute.

 

_Deadly._

 

“Alex!” She shouts and turns around just in time to watch Alex fall to the ground.

 

Kara hurries to her side and she can see the black arrow that pierced Alex’s chest and went right through her heart. She can see how it vanishes in the same thick smoke from earlier and how Alex’s body absorbs the venom on it. Dark vines dance and flutter beneath pale skin before dissolving into nothing taking Alex’s life with them.

 

Suddenly Alex’s body is limp and the heart that stopped beating two and a half seconds ago is not going to do it again. There’s no life in hazel eyes but an emptiness alike to the phantom zone. She’s gone and Kara knows it but that doesn’t mean that she’s going to accept that.

 

_She can’t._

 

“No. No!” She kneels next to her and takes a cold hand with her own. “Come on, Alex. You have to wake up. You have to wake up!” She repeats when her eyes start to water and her voice is thick due to the knot on her throat. “Don’t leave me. Please.” She begs because this is Alex; the woman that can beat the heck out of Supergirl but she’s also the woman that always takes care of Kara and the one that is always there for Supergirl.

 

She’s Alex Danvers and no matter what the rest of the world thinks, she’s Supergirl’s hero.

 

“Please.”

 

Kara is crying on Alex’s chest when that word leaves her lips. She’s holding onto a lost life because she’s losing everything all over again. Alex is her everything. Alex is all she has on Earth; her home, her family, her heart.

 

She sobs and holds onto Alex’s shirt. Kara presses her ear to Alex’s chest trying to catch the non existent beat of a heart or the soft intake of air that won’t come because Alex Danvers is gone. All Kara, and Supergirl, can hear is her own shaky breathing and the broken sobs can’t be stopped.

 

“Please.” she whispers again and again.

 

National City stops and people don’t know what to do. Their hero is broken and everyone can feel the pain on Supergirl’s voice when she wipes upon “Alex’s” corpse. They know nothing about Alex or Supergirl’s life beyond the costume but they stare at the scene unfolding in front of them.

 

They are mesmerized by it and horrified at the same time.

 

They _shouldn’t_ be looking but they _can’t_ look away.

 

Some people take a couple of photos with their phones but they all look down a moment later. A brave one dares to record a few seconds of that moment but Kara’s sobs are heartbreaking and no one really needs to see Supergirl’s grief when it’s so intense and raw. No one needs to see Supergirl being destroyed by something unavoidable when she’s completely vulnerable.

 

D.E.O. agents are everywhere. Some go straight for the forgotten alien and a few more just stand there awkwardly. They need to take Agent Danvers out of there and they need to protect Kara’s identity. It’s not like Supergirl cares a lot about it at the moment but she’s still Supergirl.

 

“Let’s go, Supergirl.”

 

There’s no way in Earth that Kara’s going to let go of Alex, not willingly at least. Hank knows it and therefore he is prepared with some Kryptonite just enough to pull Supergirl away from her sister and let the rest of agents do their job. That doesn’t mean that Kara is not fighting against the Martian’s hold or trashing as fiercely as possible while the DEO takes Alex away. Hank can’t prevent or stop the scream that leaves Kara when she notices the black fabric covering Alex’s face.

 

“No! Let her go!” Kara shouts with fresh tears running down her face. “Please, Hank. Tell them that she’s not gone. Don’t...don’t let them take her away. I can’t lose her.” Kara cries with a small voice. “Not Alex.”

 

Hank looks down, his guilt bubbling and surfacing for a brief moment. He made a promise to Jeremiah to protect Alex and he failed. Hank knows that without Alex he can’t help Kara. He failed her too.

 

“You...” He starts hesitantly. “You’re going to be okay.”

 

“No.” Kara says between sobs. “Not without her.”

 

J’onn knows how true those words are but there’s no words he can offer back. Still, he can’t stand the sight and sound of Supergirl’s suffering. So he thinks like a soldier and uses a Kryptonite dart to knock her out. Hank holds the heroine when she slumps against him and he prays, to whatever god out there that is listening, for Kara to be strong enough to survive this tragedy.

 

Even when Kara’s sleeping on his arms, Hank can feel the tremors shaking her body. Kara looks like a little girl so fragile that the faintest of winds could break her. It would be Alex’s place to bring comfort in this kind of situation but she’s in another DEO jeep but she is not Alex anymore.

 

Hank Henshaw swallows while he lays Kara down in the back of their own jeep.

 

They will need to put Supergirl on the sunbed to clear her body from any residual Kryptonite and aid with the healing of the couple wounds she got while fighting that damned alien.

 

“What are you waiting for?” Hank spits at the driver. “Take us out of here.”

 

Kara whimpers even in her sleep. Her lips tremble and her breathing is unsteady.

 

It’s a painful ride for everyone and no one really knows how to deal with the fact that Agent Alexandra Danvers; second in command at the DEO, bio engineer and mentor to many, passed away in the middle of the battle. It was always a possibility but no one was ready for it to happen.

 

“Alex.” Kara mutters with a broken voice even when she's unconscious. “Don’t leave me.”

 

Agent Vasquez, Director Lucy Lane, Winn Schott Jr. and James Olsen share a look between them. The DEO is completely silent while they try not to let the tears fall. They knew Alex, not the agent but the strong woman that would give her life for Kara...and she did.

 

They need to be strong for Kara.

 

“We need to get the sunbed ready!” Lucy exclaims when silence grows deafening. “They’ll be here shortly and there’s no time to waste!” Everyone stands still for a moment before stirring to action. “Listen everyone, we can always count on Supergirl and today she’s leaning on us. She needs us.”

 

Everyone agrees and Lucy returns her gaze to James and Winn.

 

_“She needs us.”_

 

But they all know that the whole planet is not enough to fill a black hole and a finger won’t be enough to hide the Sun.

 

There’s nothing they can really do. How can they save their hero when Alex is gone?

 

_Gods, Alex is gone._

  



	2. Weight in Gold.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has to deal with the memories of Alex and face her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also thank you to my Sunshine for being my beta. She's awesome.
> 
> So, here we go!

The first thing that Kara realizes when she’s conscious again is that she’s on the sunbed. Then the fact that she’s not alone in the room.

 

There are too many hearts beating and it takes her a second to understand that their owners are Lucy, Winn, James and Hank. They’re all there in a tense silence only broken by the distant sound of a machine that portrays Kara’s vital signs.

 

Lucy is holding Kara’s right hand while Winn holds her left. James is pacing restlessly and Hank is resting against the wall opposite to the bed. Kara doesn’t need to open her eyes to know.

 

It takes her a second longer to remember why they’re all there.

 

Reality catches up with her and it’s so painful that she can’t breathe for several seconds. Supergirl doesn’t open her eyes because maybe it’s all a nightmare and she has to wake up in another dimension that provides some comfort. Her senses are more than enough to key her into what’s going on around her and remind her that it is not a dream.

 

Kara can’t face the world. She can’t face that one truth yet.

 

Kara takes in a deep shaky breath that quickly turns into a quiet sob. She can’t avoid the salty tears rolling down her cheeks and she immediately misses Alex’s contact and the sound of her soothing voice. The pain in her voice is growing and she knows that no amount of Sunlight can help with that kind of pain.

 

She lets the tears fall because there’s nothing she can do to stop them.

 

Supergirl may be the strongest woman alive, but she doesn’t have that kind of strength. She can’t just accept what happened and keep moving forward. It’s never that simple and Kara can’t do it alone, not without Alex. 

 

There’s a soft brush of fingers against her skin to get rid of a tear just for it to be replaced with a new one not a second later.

 

“Kara.” Lucy’s voice is soft when she calls her. “I’m sorry.”

 

It’s not Lucy’s fault or Winn’s or James’. It’s not Hank’s fault despite the promise he made to Jeremiah. Kara knows that they’re not the ones to blame so therefore it all falls upon her shoulders.

 

Supergirl doesn’t know what would have happened if she hadn’t moved from that arrow’s path but she knows that it would have been better than this.

 

Blue eyes open to take in the faces of the people she cares for. They are her friends and part of the family she created on Earth but there’s no comfort in them this time. They have no words that can numb the pain or put her mind at ease. There’s nothing they can offer to quiet the storm in her mind or fill the hole in her heart.

 

“I couldn’t say goodbye to her.”

 

Kara has risked her life more than a few times for humanity’s sake and she has refused to say goodbye to Alex every single time because there’s no way she could go and walk to her own death if Alex ever asked her to stay. But she always manages to send a last message, she finds a way to get a moment just to say her last words. She would tell Alex to be happy and start doing the things that she wanted to do instead of the ones she  _ had _ to.

 

It’s a selfish thought but perhaps if she had gotten the chance to say goodbye and begged Alex to stay then Alex wouldn’t have left and everything would have been okay.

 

“What am I supposed to do?”

 

The answer is quite simple because the world still needs Supergirl and she won’t let another innocent person die if she has the chance to avoid it. She was sent to Earth to protect Kal El but she made her mission to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves and she accepted that destiny with her shoulders squared and her chin held up high. She accepted that life from the moment she took flight with the crest of the House of El on her chest.

 

Kara knows that life isn’t fair but, how can she handle losing her world a second time? How can she manage another day without the only person that made Earth her home?

 

Everybody needs Supergirl and everybody needs something from Kara.

 

Cat Grant still needs Kara Danvers to be her assistant. Winn still needs a best friend. James needs a confidant and Lucy needs someone to be there for her without lies and without conditions. However, it’s incredibly hard to think about a future, about a life, without  _ her. _

 

Kara can’t be Kara without Alex and her constant support.

 

If something went wrong Alex would be there to find a way out. She was always there for Kara with a pint of chocolate ice cream, movie nights, soft words of pride and love whispered over the phone and strong arms that would hold Kara up when everything was falling apart around her.

 

Kara is lost without her.

 

Lucy pulls Kara into a warm hug and for once Kara doesn’t sob. Her tears keep falling and the pain is still present in her chest but her mind is far away.

The world won’t stop even if Kara is suffering and life is cruel enough to take everything away from Supergirl a second time. It’s a hard pill to swallow but in that moment Kara realizes that she’s not the only one that has lost it all.

 

“What am I going to tell Eliza?”

 

Kara pulls back from the hug and runs slender fingers through her blond hair.

 

She knows the burning ache in her throat but there’s nothing that can help her swallow the guilt. This is the reason why she shouldn’t fly with Alex and why Kara Danvers should never have turned into Supergirl. She was willing to pay whatever price that responsibility came with, but in the end she’s not the only one suffering the consequences of her actions.

 

“This is not your fault, Kara.” James offers quietly.

 

Kara tries to keep her anger in check but it’s impossible when everything is so fresh and she’s trying to pick up the sound of Alex’s breathing even if she  _ knows _ there won’t be one. Kara can’t help the hate that takes over her words with an almost deadly glare because she was  _ not enough _ .

 

“Of course it is!” Kara clenches her fists before pacing in the room that suddenly feels too small and crowded. “That arrow was meant for me. I’m the one that acted without thinking and moved out of the way. I didn’t think about those behind me and now I have to deal with the fact that Alex is gone.” Kara finishes with a small broken voice. “She’s gone.”

 

“Stop it.” Hank calls and his voice echoes in the room. “You were struggling to stand on your feet and you did the best you could.”

 

Blue eyes meet Hank’s and Kara can see the pain dancing behind his stoic expression. He knows the truth as well and he understands Kara’s pain like no one else. They share a lost world even if it is not the same. They know how it feels to stand alone on Earth, trying to hide who you are;  _ what _ you are.

 

“And it wasn’t  _ enough _ .”

 

Kara doesn’t want to deal with people telling her that things are going to be okay. She knows that but it doesn’t mean that they’re right at the moment. Words do nothing to ease her pain or to wind down her guilt.

 

She knows better than most how it feels to lose everything. She knows the helpless feeling of watching a world explode and fade away with the stars. She knows the feeling of saying goodbye to loved ones and the suffocating feeling of words that ache as they leave lips to reach people that are not longer there. Kara  _ knows _ . She knows about losing everyone until the rest of the world just stops and disappears and it’s hard to breathe.

This time she took everything from someone. Even if she didn’t want to, she took everything away from Eliza Danvers. She took her normality, her family, Jeremiah and then Alex.

 

Kara can’t stay there anymore and she makes her way towards the door. She passes Winn and Lucy but James is blocking the door and not moving anytime soon.

 

“You don’t know what could’ve happened to you.”

 

He is trying to be as gentle as possible but Kara wishes he could just shut up and let her go. There is a time for everything, for talking about feelings and grief and a time to just let the topic drop and Kara really needs some time off. She needs to breathe because she feels like dying.

 

“The arrow is alien and it could have killed you or at least have done serious damage to you. Look Kara, National City needs Supergirl more than we need anyone else.”

 

There’s a moment of silence.

 

Everyone freezes and stares at Kara because that was the wrong thing to say and they all know.

 

Kara’s eyes turn hard and cold and it reminds James of the incident with red Kryptonite.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” She growls.

 

James realizes his mistake a little too late because there’s nothing he can do now to take his words back. He takes a step back instead, trying to put some distance between Supergirl and himself but he was blocking the door and now the door is blocking him too.

 

It doesn’t matter if Supergirl is more important than Alex for the world because this is  _ not _ about National City or the millions of people out there. This is about  _ Kara _ .

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Kara doesn’t listen to his apology. It means nothing to her so instead, she walks past him and doesn’t really care if her shoulder brushes against his a little too roughly. She needs to get away from everything and try and forget reality for a short moment.

 

She already knows it’s impossible but she needs to clear her mind enough to take action.

 

“Kara, wait!” James shouts but Supergirl doesn’t stop. “Where are you going?”

 

“Come on, man. Just let her go.” Winn pulls him further into the room so he can’t follow Kara.

 

“What were you thinking?” Lucy questions him.

 

“He wasn’t.” Winn answers with a pointed glare directed at James.

 

Kara can’t even enjoy the feeling of the wind on her face while she flies. There is no peace in heights for her and soon enough her lungs are aching and her chest is so heavy that it threatens to pull her down. She gets away from National City and the sounds change until Kara can hear the sound of waves crashing on white sand.

 

The day is warm enough for a day out on the beach and things almost seem right.

 

It’s hard to believe that she was fighting an alien that morning and how things went spiraling out of control before noon. 

 

The air is warm against Kara’s skin and yet she’s trembling uncontrollably. The beach is not her destiny but the place she has in mind scares her at the moment. Not because of what it is but because of what it means.

 

It doesn’t take long to see the Danver’s house in the distance and it makes Kara’s heart shatter all over again.

 

She’s doing this alone and her heart is beating madly in her chest. She wishes that Alex could be there, holding her hand, until she remembers the exact reason why she’s there.

 

That’s the place where Kara found a new beginning after losing it all.

 

There are so many memories held in there that Kara laughs and cries at the bittersweet remembrance. It’s been years since she landed there, with the mighty Superman by her side, and was accepted by Eliza as a part of her family. It’s been years since the first time she saw Alex through the window.

 

Kara descends and her boots make little to no noise but still the door opens before she can knock and she’s facing all her fears and regrets in the eyes of the woman that cared for her years ago.

 

“Kara, darling. Are you okay?” Eliza greets with sudden concern in her face. “What happened?”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

It’s not like Kara can explain everything in one coherent sentence but she needs to apologize because her guilt is killing her and the truth is burning her alive. It hurts more than Kryptonite.

 

“I am so sorry.” She cries softly.

 

Eliza doesn’t have enough information to solve the puzzle in Kara’s words but she pulls Kara into a warm embrace because it’s all she can do for the superhero. She plays with golden tresses that shine under the sun and her touch feels like a soothing balm but also like salt pressed into a fresh wound.

 

“I couldn’t save her.” Kara mutters against Eliza’s shoulder.

 

“You can’t save everyone.”

 

It’s obvious that Eliza has not realized the meaning of Kara’s words. She doesn’t understand that Kara is talking about Alex. It’s so painful to be there, whispering the words that she refuses to believe. She has to tell the truth she’s trying so hard to deny.

 

Kara wants to keep it a secret as long as possible instead of shattering Eliza’s world once again.

 

“Honey, look at me.” Eliza holds Kara’s chin and lifts it until their eyes meet. “You may be Supergirl but you’re Kara too. Behind the cape and the glasses is an amazing girl that is brave and strong. You’ve done so much for this world with your kindness and you have no fear when it comes to protect those who can’t protect themselves. You’re a hero; cape or not.”

 

Kara doesn’t feel like a hero at the moment but Eliza is staring at her so hard that she wonders if Eliza can see right through her and if she understand the weight placed upon Kryptonian shoulders.

 

“You’re their hero, Kara. So be their angel. Be their monument. Be anything they need you to be...or be none of it. You don’t owe this world a thing. You never did.”

 

Kara crumbles then.

 

Fresh tears fall and she hits the floor with her knees. She can’t breathe and her eyes are burning. Her world is collapsing around her just like Krypton did years ago.

 

The floor beneath her feet is not enough to ground her and she desperately holds onto Eliza’s jacket.

 

“But I owe you. I owe you my life. I found a place in this world because you let me into your home and into your family.” Kara’s sobs break through her words but she needs to keep going and let it all out before she loses her courage. “I’m sorry Eliza. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save Alex.”

 

Of course Supergirl knows that she can’t save everyone. No hero is invincible. But she has saved so many lives over the last two years that she can’t understand how she wasn’t able to save the person she wanted to keep safe the most.

 

She would do anything for Alex and she would give anything to say goodbye.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

She’s not talking ju st to Eliza. She’s asking for forgiveness and finding solace in the remnants of Alex that still live in that moment. She dwells on the past to find enough strength to keep going. She closes her eyes while thinking about the only person that lives in her heart and will remain there until the end of times.

 

“Kara.” Eliza calls softly.

 

Kara expects to see anger and hear grief but when she’s forced to look into Eliza’s eyes she witnesses forgiveness and yes, there’s pain but also a small smile that surprises her.

 

“Alex changed so much after you came into our lives. She had friends, yes, and yet we never met them. They never meant the world to her in the way you did. She would have given her life any day to protect you; to make you happy.” There’s a trace of regret evident on Eliza’s face as she continues, “I forced her into your life. I made her take care of you every single day because you were so afraid and everything was new to you but she accepted that and she loved you more than anything. Kara, I know that Alex doesn’t blame you for this. Don’t torture yourself.”

 

Kara is shaking because she knows Alex too. Maybe she knows sides of her that Eliza isn’t aware of because Alex would only let people see what she wanted them to see. And her barriers were always high around anyone but Kara. But Kara knows that Eliza is right.

 

“I can’t feel her, Eliza.” Kara whispered. “Every day I would listen to her heartbeat, we would talk on the phone or she would go to my place for movie night. And now,” Kara gestures wildly with her hands trying to explain without words but failing. “And now no matter how hard I try, there’s not a heartbeat to find. She won’t be picking up my calls and there won’t be more movie nights. I  _ know _ that.” Kara’s voice breaks once again while she takes as much comfort as she can from Eliza’s presence. “It’s just...I miss her already.”

 

“You’re not alone, Kara.”

 

Eliza rubs her back in a soothing motion that eases her pain just enough to let her breathe.

 

“She’s right about that.” A male voice calls from behind and Kara doesn’t need to turn around to know it’s Kal El. “I’m here for you too.”

 

It takes just five words for Kara to freeze in place. He was never there for her;  _ Alex was. _

 

Her grief momentarily forgotten; she feels enough rage to make her eyes burn red. She steps away from Eliza and turns around with an expression that belongs more to Red Kryptonite Kara than the sweet girl standing in front of them.

 

“Where were you when I got here and you decided to leave me with the Danvers, Clark?” Her voice is low and cold. It leaves both Eliza and Superman shocked. “You left me behind because you weren’t ready! It wasn’t for my own good. I was scared. I didn’t know how to control my own body!” Kara walks towards the man of Steel with purposeful steps. “You went through something similar and you never thought that you could be able to help me?”

 

Kara stops when she’s face to face with her cousin and although shorter, she makes him feel so small. She’s angry but more than that, Kara is hurt.

 

“You wanted me to have a normal life, like  _ yours.  _ Yeah, a normal life where I broke a thousand spoons and forks because I was too strong. A normal life where I wasn’t able to silence the world and I could hear every single conversation going around me  _ at the same time. _ Where were you when I went to school for the first time? Where were you when I learned how to pronounce English correctly? Where were you when I had nightmares about our world dying?”

 

Kara shakes her head and takes a single step backwards.

 

“No, Clark. You can be whatever you want. You can be this world’s God and savior, but you’re  _ not  _ my hero. You weren’t there for me when I needed you. I don’t need you now.”

 

Kara words are harsh but it’s what she feels at the moment. She has too many emotions bubbling to the surface and perhaps her anger is not his fault but she doesn’t need the flawless man to pretend to understand her pain. He can’t.

 

“I’m sorry Clark, but I lost the person that would hold my hand when I was too afraid to break another glass. I lost the woman that grounded me when I was able to fly but also the one that told me to follow my dreams. I lost the person that dared to protect me even when she was not bulletproof. I lost the person I loved the most and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

 

“Kara,” Clark called in the same condescending tone that James had used before. “You can’t shut the entire world out. There are moments where it doesn’t matter if you can or can’t and you just  _ do. _ ”

 

“And I’m doing it! I’m trying to find what is left of me without Alex. I can’t fly around Earth until it spins backwards and go back in time. That’s not how it works! So I’m trying to find enough will to let her go.” Kara wipes her tears angrily. “I’m trying to let her go, the person that was there when I lost it all.”

 

The hardest part of losing Alex is that Kara has to face the rest of her life without her.

 

It’s been hours since she heard that last beat and she’s already lost. After a battle like that there would usually be some time for them. They would talk about the mission, give each other comfort and spend the night watching silly movies or catching up on shows. It never mattered what they were doing if they were together and now that only Alex’s memory remains, all of that is gone.

 

There’s no way on Earth or in the universe that Kara is going to let her completely die.

 

Krypton is long gone but Kara holds onto the last remains of her homeworld. She holds onto those memories of the Red Sun, Rao, and the life she had with her family. She holds onto the memory of her father and the gentle voice of her mother. She closes her eyes and can hear the quietness of that world that watched her be born and grow beautifully. She can feel a body with no powers but full of energy and buzzing with happiness.

 

And she won’t let Alex go just like that. Not after everything they endured and all the moments they shared with each other. Alex is her family but more than that, Alex is a part of herself. Alex lives in Kara’s heart and mind and deep into her soul. Alex was and still is her light.

 

She wouldn’t be Kara without Alex. She wouldn’t be Supergirl either.

 

Kara can list thousands of moments where Alex was there for her. She has a million of reasons to be grateful with the DEO agent but those million reasons make her ache as well. She wants to leave everything behind and keep only the moments that belong to Alex but she can’t.

 

“I never needed you to be my hero, Superman. I needed my family and you weren’t there.” Kara floats a couple of feet above the ground but doesn’t fly away yet. “Alex meant nothing to me when I first came here but then; then she turned into my family  _ and _ my hero.”

 

Kara doesn’t wait for him to reply before getting away from that place and heading back to the city with a sad final glance towards Eliza. Clark doesn’t try to follow and for that, Supergirl is grateful.

 

National City is quiet when Supergirl makes it back. There are no fires and no emergencies that she can detect with her super senses. It’s like every single person knows about her grief and is taking time to process what’s going on and what’s going to happen next. Everything is quiet and everyone is doing their best to give their hero some space away from any chaos.

 

It’s a shame because Kara could use a distraction of any kind but instead she finds herself in her flat. There’s darkness inside but it’s deeper than ever and she feels like this time her powers are not going to be enough to help her. For the first time in her life; Kara is cold.

 

She leaves the Supergirl costume behind and takes in the silence of the place that doesn’t feel like home anymore. She feels so small in this planet and so lonely.

 

Alex’s jacket is hanging on the back of the couch and Kara holds back a weak whimper. Alex forgot the jacket the night before with the promise to pick her up later that day.

 

There are many pieces and mementos scattered around the place that remind her of Alex. So many things that she never realized were even there. But she’s catching up with reality and it doesn’t hurt any less. She only aches more for Alex and her presence.

 

There’s mint chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer; Alex’s favorite. There is the faint smell of her perfume in the bedroom left behind from their sleepovers. The take out menu’s are on the coffee table; the Thai food one on top because it’s the last thing they ordered. Alex loved Chinese and pizza just like the next person but Thai was her favorite and Kara indulged her just to watch that smile only meant for the girl made of Sun and Steel.

 

There are so many living shadows on the floor; memories that make Kara smile and cry silently at the same time. There’s an emptiness in the flat but also in her heart that not even pizza or potstickers can fill. Not this time.

 

Kara slips her arms on Alex’s jacket and grabs the mint chocolate chip ice cream with her. She sits on the couch and turns the tv on letting whatever show is on the screen fill the silence of the night. She stares blankly at the screen, not paying attention to the world around her. Her mind is running faster than Barry Allen with a distinct lack of coherent thoughts on her mind.

 

She doesn’t know if an hour has passed since she got on the couch in front of the tv; not that she cares. Maybe an hour, maybe two or maybe only fifteen minutes but it’s more than the time she spent trapped in the Phantom Zone. It sure feels like an eternity.

 

She grabs her phone when the ice cream has melted completely and the show has ended.

 

Kara has texts from Winn, James and Clark but she isn’t interested in reading them at the moment. She doesn’t want to call Lucy or Eliza back after the 17 lost calls she received at some point. She’s looking for a particular name; the one that’s missing.

 

She presses the call button when Kara finally finds Alex’s name on her contacts, it’s at the top of her list anyway. She knows that  _ she _ won’t pick up but she still hopes for it to happen.

 

It rings four times and it goes directly to the voice mail.

 

“ _ Hey, this is Agent Danvers. I can’t take your call at the moment. Please leave a message and I’ll call you back whenever I can.” _

 

Kara takes in the soft, distant voice. It’s the professional voice that Alex used while working and rarely used to speak to Kara. It doesn’t matter because it’s still Alex and it’s the only thing Kara has now.

 

“Alex, it’s me. Kara.”

 

Her hope shatters when the silence remains on the other side of the line and Kara burrows her nose in the soft leather of Alex’s jacket. She takes as much comfort as she can from it but it’s so hard to breathe that Kara needs to gasp before speaking once more.

 

“ _ I miss you. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say that I'm incredibly grateful with all of you for your support. I know this story has a lot of drama and I'm making you suffer but hopefully, it will be worthy in the end. Thank you so much for the kudos and commentaries and I hope you like this new chapter despite everything. Also, I have to thank the most beautiful person I've ever met, my beta. I call her Sunshine because she's so warm and she lights up my days.
> 
> So enough! Let's go!

_ “Hey, this is Agent Danvers. At this moment I can’t take your call. Please leave a message and I’ll call you back whenever I can.” _

_ “I’m sorry, Alex. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to save you.”  _ Kara is sobbing into the phone but she doesn’t care. _ “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” _

“Delete it!” Hank shouts the order to Winn as they slowly, and painfully, go through the 57 messages stored in Alex’s voicemail. “This is not okay.”

“Message number 11.” The automatic voice says.

There’s a beeping sound before the recording starts all over again.

_ “Hey, this is Agent Danvers. At this moment I can’t take your call. Please leave a message and I’ll call you back whenever I can.” _

_ “I can’t sleep. It hurts too much and I know that you’re not picking up and you’re not coming back to me. I know that we’re not sharing potstickers anymore and you won’t let me eat the last one under the threat of melting your face even if I could never do that.”  _ There’s a pause and Hank can hear Kara shifting on the other side. _ “You forgot your jacket.”  _ There’s another small pause.  _ “I don’t know what to do without you when everything reminds me of you, Alex.” _

No one can really tell why all of them are there; Lucy, Winn, James, Hank, but they can’t delete the messages without enduring the pain of listening to them.

“Message number 12.”

_ “Hey, this is Agent Danvers. At this moment I can’t take your call...” _

“Hank,” Lucy calls and places a hand on his shoulder. “You know every single message is from Kara and there’s only one person in this room that can help her.”

“What do you mean, Director Lane?”

_ “Alex; when I lost everything, you found me. When I had nightmares you would take my hand and whisper softly until I was able to calm down and get some sleep. Where are you now? Do you believe in the idea of Heaven? We never talked about it, but I hope your soul is safe under the light of Rao. You deserve to be happy and free.” There’s a broken laugh that painfully pierces the ears of Hank and co as they helplessly listen on. “You dedicated your life to take care of me, are you doing it even now?” _

“Kara needs you, Hank. She needs the only person in this world that can understand the pain of losing everything. J’onn J’onzz, you have to be Supergirl’s hope today.”

Hank knows it’s true but that doesn’t mean he knows how to be the hero Kara needs. He lost his own homeworld and his family. He found Alex and even if his bond with her can’t compare to Kara’s, well, there was a bond there that made them family too.

“Message number 14.”

_ “Hey, this is Agent Danvers...” _

_ “Alex...” _ This time Kara’s voice is completely broken and she’s making no effort to hide it. _ “You taught me a lot of things but not how to be me without you. I can’t do this without you.” _

Kara is crying again and Hank can’t contain the lonely tear running down his cheek. Kara lost the most important person in her life and no one can really understand the depths of her pain but Hank, J’onn, lost his daughter. Alex was his daughter.

_ “I need you in my life. I can’t do this on my own, Alex. I can’t.” _

Before the next message can start playing, Hank is in his office searching through the many drawers on a desk he never uses. He’s looking for something specific and all the paperwork on the table can wait to be rearranged later. At the moment he’s focused on his search while the look on his face is serious enough to hold back every question that the “Superfriends” could have.

It takes him a minute to find a small device that no one has seen before. It’s entirely black and metallic and although never seen before, it holds a sense of familiarity. Alex was likely the only one to know exactly what it is but there’s no time for questions and they all trust Hank with whatever plan he has.

“Message number 15.”

_ “Hey, this is Agent...” _

“I’m going to Kara’s place and hopefully this-” Hank waves the little metallic object “-can help her a little. There’s not much we can do for her now. Alex was her hero and I’m going to give a part of her back to Kara. Maybe it won’t be enough, but I have to try.”

“Good luck J’onn,” Lucy whispers.

J’onn is out of the DEO in less than a minute, the small device secured in his strong hand but it’s not until he’s about to reach Kara’s place that he takes his true martian form to land on Supergirl’s open window. He wonders for a moment how no one has noticed that Supergirl lives in the building but the thought is easily dismissed because there’s no time to waste.

J’onn, although having a plethora of alien abilities, regrettably can not see in the dark. However, he follows the light from the TV screen until he finds Kara on the couch. It’s obvious that she hasn’t moved from her position since she got home and there’s no way she hasn’t noticed him yet.

“I don’t want to talk, J’onn.” Kara barely whispers without looking at him.

“I’m not here to talk.” He says while approaching Kara. “I have to show you something.”

J’onn knows the lack of life he finds in her blue eyes because he used to see that same emptiness staring back at him in the mirror. It’s a darkness that rivals that of a black hole; deep as the soul where it lives and nothing can make it disappear. If Kara’s lucky then time will make the pain bearable.

J’onn pulls out the small device and turns it on.

“What is this?” Kara anxiously asks when the small device flickers and a moment later Alex is there, in the middle of the room. “J’onn?”

“Confidential Information. You see, when Alex joined the DEO I knew about her bond with you. Our mission is to defend this city against any alien threats and our biggest concern was that Alex could not do her job if you were the enemy.” J’onn lets out a sigh before returning to his human appearance. “This...”He motions to the hologram. “This is a compilation of Alex talking about the most important thing in this world to her; she’s talking about you.”

Kara can’t even bring herself to utter  a response  before the image of Alex, with the resemblance of a ghost, moves and it’s as though she’s alive even if just for a moment.

_ “Are you ready to do what it takes if your sister turns against us?”Hank’s voice calls and Alex looks up at him with deadly cold eyes. “Are you ready to deal with her if she turns into the enemy?” _

_ “She won’t.” _

_ “There’s no way to be sure about her true intentions, Danvers.” _

_ “I am sure,” Alex replies firmly. _

_ “In this job, there’s no space for sentimentality.” _

_ “This is not because I shared a bathroom with her, Director Henshaw. This is purely logical reasoning. You think that the DEO knows all about Kryptonians and maybe you do, but you don’t know a thing about Kara. Not the alien or the girl that fell from the sky but simply Kara.” _

_ “Explain,” Hank commands. _

_ “What’s the biggest difference between Superman and Kara?” _

_ “No one knows about her.” _

_ “That’s not true. We know or we wouldn’t ne  having this conversation. The difference is that Clark Kent is human. His first memory is not a burning world. His first memory is on this planet. The only thing he has from Krypton is his own body and the knowledge enclosed in the Fortress of Solitude.” Alex tries to contain a sad smile but fails despite her efforts. “Kara is different. She has memories of a world that doesn’t exist anymore. She has feelings for people that she will never see again. She grieves about a culture that is now dead and she dreams about the destruction of the world of which she was born, and a life that won’t return no matter how powerful our Sun makes her. She won’t turn against us because Earth is her home now, and this is everything she has.” _

_ A brief moment of silence fills the room before Hank speaks again. _

_ “Welcome aboard, Agent Danvers.” _

There’s a long pause that Kara interprets as a change of scene.

It’s painful to watch Alex but she can’t stop. She wants to make sure that her eyes are the right shade of hazel and her lips have the perfect curve atop her cupid’s bow. She wants to engrave every little detail into her mind and make sure that she won’t forget a single thing about Alexandra Danvers.

_ “Are you certain that she won’t become a superhero?” _

_ “I can’t guarantee that sir,” Alex answers truthfully. “Kara is a hero even without using her powers or a cape upon her shoulders. She has a heart of gold and if the situation calls for it, Kara will try to help. I can try and hold her back as much as possible but if she makes the decision to be a heroine like her cousin, I’m not going to stop her.” _

Hank puts a hand on Kara’s shoulders trying to offer as much comfort as he can give. His hand is soon covered by a smaller, shaky one and with a glance of blue eyes, Kara invites her alien friend to take a seat on the couch next to her. They’re a family of sorts; a space family.

“She’s the reason I became Supergirl. I couldn’t lose her. Alex was the only reason I felt at home in this planet. She made my heartache for my planet and family stop hurting as badly and she showed me how to be human. She taught me how to be myself as Kara even when I wasn’t allowed to use my powers and she pushed me to be better as a Superhero and as myself.” Kara takes a deep breath trying to stop a new wave of tears. “I had to save that plane because she was there and now...she’s gone. I feel like nothing makes sense anymore, Hank. Everything’s falling to pieces.”

J’onn J’onzz is not an affectionate being but he can’t help the urge to wrap an arm around Kara’s shoulders and pull her into an awkward side hug. It’s not much but Kara takes it gladly.

_ “What’s the meaning of this, Alex?” Hank asks about something Kara can’t see. _

_ “This is my sister being a hero.” The Agent answers while taking the picture of Supergirl from Hank’s hands. “She doesn’t need the cape or the blue suit. Kara is a hero at heart. She was a hero from the moment she landed on this planet and losing her powers is not going to get in her way. I know she’s not invincible and that dealing with the robbery without that help was risky but she didn’t lose herself or her heroism when she drained her powers.” The picture that James took of Supergirl talking to the boy and disarming him without violence is in Alex’s hands now and she smiles despite herself. “I know she’s going to put her life on the line if that means saving someone else. We might be nothing compared to Supergirl, but we’re everything to her.” _

_ “She’s strong, Agent Danvers. But that doesn’t mean she can’t get herself killed.” _

_ “That’s why I’m here. I care about this world’s safety and you know I can help because I’ve done so more than a few times, but in the end, I’m doing this for her. I’m gonna risk my life a thousand times to protect her and I hope you understand that. She’s everything I have and nothing is going to keep me from protecting Kara. She might  be a Superhero but I won’t leave her to do it alone.” _

_ “And what are you going to tell her if you die on a mission?” _

Kara has to look away because it happened. She lost Alex and she’s not even sure if she died while protecting her or if Supergirl failed to protect Alex. The crest on the blue suit meant that she was the superhero and still she wasn’t able to prevent her own failure as a heroine and family.

_ “We had rough moments in the past but at this point, I can’t imagine my life without her. I discovered worlds that live only in her mind and I found a side of myself that I could only dream about when I was a kid. Kara Zor-El has made me a better person and I’ve learned how to be a better person thanks to her. Supergirl is the hero of National City but Kara… she’s mine.” Alex looks at Hank and the love she feels for the Kryptonian is evident. “She’s an angel that came to save us all, so if I die on a mission then I’ll die knowing that I did everything I could do to protect her and if I’m lucky, to make her happy.” _

Kara whimpers and hides her face in the martian’s neck because it’s all too much to handle and the pain is back hammering in her chest. She can barely breathe as the sounds of the city intensify in her sensitive ears and there’s no one that can make her senses overload calm when the only beating heart she can hear is her own.

“Make it stop, Hank.”

She’s not talking about the hologram because she needs to hear every word that Alex has to say no matter how painful it is. She wishes the pain would go away for just  for a couple of minutes so she can enjoy Alex’s words instead of suffering through the whole ordeal.

J’onn just holds Kara a little closer because he can’t bring Alex back no matter how hard he tries. He can’t replace her because even when he’s so close to Kara, she’s searching throughout the city for that heartbeat that’s no longer there.

“She loved you more than anything.” J’onn whispers because he’s seen inside of Alex’s mind and he knows the exact thoughts that his best agent had for Kara. “There’s only one more recording on there. It’s something that we did once you became part of us. It was before Myriad and before the Black Mercy. It’s probably the hardest one to watch, the most painful, so this is the moment to stop if you want.” Hank offers with doubt in his voice.

Kara wants to stop the pain but she can’t stop listening to Alex’s soft voice. It’s so different from the distant message on her voicemail that Kara  _ needs _ to keep going. She takes everything Alex has to offer even if it's just another recording, another moment preserved in time, to comfort her.

“I want to see it.” Kara lies because she can’t keep going but she  _ needs _ to.

For a long moment, Hank wonders if this is the right thing to do. He can’t read Kara’s mind but the pleading look in her blue eyes is enough to make him realize that they have lost the same person, both of them lost everything and even hope sounds like a cruel joke at the moment. Whatever is on that final recording is either a reason to hold on tighter or to let go.

_ Alex looks directly at what’s probably a camera before shifting her attention to the left. _

_ “Can I get a minute?” _ She asks someone Kara can’t see.  _ “This is personal and I want it to be just for her. I know that you’ll see it if you think it necessary but can I?” _

_ “Come see me when you’re done,” Hank replies before Kara hears a door closing. _

_ Alex sighs and then she faces directly at the camera. However, it’s more than that and Kara gasps silently when Alex is staring straight forward and directly into Kara’s eyes. _

_ “Kara.” Alex starts with a soft voice that is meant to ease the blow of her following words. “If you’re watching this is because something happened and things went really wrong. It means that I am not there to hold you and tell you that everything’s going to be alright.” _

Kara whimpers and tries to get away without moving. She knows the things that Alex is about to say and Kara is not sure she can handle every word.

_ “And I’m sorry for that.” Alex smiles and eternal sadness shines in her eyes. “There’s something that I have to tell you before everything is finally over for me; before I have to go.” _

Kara stops breathing, she feels like oxygen is toxic or maybe it’s gone and unable to reach her lungs. Maybe she feels like that because the weight of the world is upon her shoulders at the moment and she’s not strong enough to get to her feet again.

_ “You’re the reason why I joined the DEO, I wanted to know more about you and try to understand the things that were part of you but that I could never get right. I wanted to protect you because you taught me what a good person looks like. You’re innocent and you see the best in people but you also have the ability to make them see that as well.” _

Kara can’t take her eyes away from Alex and she ignores the tears start falling again or when she’s trembling in Hank’s arms.

_ “You taught me how to be a better person; a better me. And thanks to you I found out how much I could do and you let me into your mind. You talked to me about your world and you made me a part of your family.” Alex smiles but there’s a glimpse of sadness in the gesture. “I’m so glad you’re in my life and yet I would give you up if that meant that you had a chance to go back to your parents and your life before Earth. I would do anything for you, Kara.” _

“Alex.” Kara whimpers trying to hold back a sob.

It’s hard to realize that she could shout from the top of her lungs and yet her voice wouldn’t be strong enough to travel far enough to reach Alex.

_ “But I know you and I was there when you got to Earth. I was there to see the way you blamed yourself for the destruction of your world even when there was nothing you could have done. You lost it all and somehow you managed to blame yourself for that. I know how hard you hold onto guilt but Krypton’s end was not your fault and neither is this.” _

Kara wants to take full responsibility for everything that has gone wrong in front of her but this is Alex talking to her. This is Alex reaching out to Kara even when distance and time are between them. This is Alex and there’s no one that knows Kara better than her.

_ “I joined the DEO knowing every single risk that I could potentially face and I did stupid things that could have killed me before. But whatever happened that forbids me to be there with you now, I knew that could happen. I knew that you weren’t going to be always there if something went wrong and even if you were, you should do the right thing. Save ten people instead of one and it doesn’t matter if I am that one unlucky person. You’re a hero Kara.” _

Those words break the superhero and she hides in Hank’s neck because she can no longer stand the image of Alex being there  _ without being there _ . She can’t stand the knowledge that she was always a hero for Alex even before she decided to put on the suit and cape.

_ “You’ve always been my hero. You might be powered by the sun but you’re the light in my life. Maybe it wasn’t like that in the beginning but I learned, you taught me, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Being with you on the battlefield is an honor. Being with you out of it...it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.” _

There’s a moment of silence and Kara looks up because maybe the torture is over but she sees how Alex is fighting to find her next words; the right ones.

_ “Kara, life isn’t perfect. I know it can be hard and lonely especially for you because you have sacrificed everyone you’ve loved and you’ve lost so much and I wish you could have a life with your family, a life with me on it.” Alex’s voice shakes with her own emotion because even if it wasn’t a moment where her life was at risk, her words are still a goodbye. “And pain has the power to transform and that makes us who we are. I’ve never met someone that can take all that pain and turn it into something beautiful, but you have a heart like no one else and you have the power to change the world like you did with mine and you are strong enough to get through this...without me.” _

“I can’t!” Kara screams and her eyes burn with tears and rage. “I can’t.”

_ “You’re not alone in this world. You have J’onn. You have Winn, James, Lucy. You have CatCo and a job that keeps you sane when you’re out of the supersuit. You have Clark and Cat Grant. They are there for you, to help you through this no matter how long it takes. You still have me, Kara. I will live as long as I am in your heart and your memories. But don’t live in the past. Don’t dwell on this moment because you never needed me to shine and be a hero. I was there to help you adapt but you made this world your own. Out there lays an entire city that loves Supergirl and the world is in awe with this blond angel that shares a bond with me.” _

Kara can barely fight the red threatning to burst from her bloodshot eyes and a moment later the world is too loud again and her senses are overloaded and there are no sirens in the city, everything’s deadly quiet and it drives Supergirl insane because Alex is not there. Her holographic image doesn’t have a heartbeat for Kara to hold on to for stability and it’s another stab at her chest that makes her curl in at J’onn’s side a little too tightly.

_ “I need you to promise me something. I need you to remember that you gave me a great life and it wouldn’t have been the same without you there. You need to remember that everything good I did, it came from you being my sister. I want you to have a good life. I want you to find love and be happy. I want you to do all the things that I know you can do. I want you to be the hero you’ve always been. I know it’s hard Kara, but I need you to promise me that you’ll let me go.” _

“No!” Kara cries immediately.

She sobs openly on Hank’s shoulder because that’s the only thing she can’t promise Alex. She can’t let the only person that made her feel at home on Earth go.

_ “I need you to promise me that you won’t let the world stop for you just because I’m not there.” _

Hank can’t say a word at this point. Nothing that he can offer is enough to fill the growing void in Kara’s chest or on his own for that matter. But Alex is right. They can’t dwell on the past and the things they can’t change because the world still needs Supergirl, and Supergirl still has J’onn.

_ “And please Kara, remember that no matter how things went wrong or what happens after I’m not there to protect you; this is not your fault. I’m so proud of you Kara Zor-El. You saved me in ways I never thought a person could be saved. I love you Kara and I always will.” _

“I love you,” Kara answers with a soft, small, voice.

_ “Goodbye.” _

“Please stay.”

The plea is forgotten and the hologram flickers for a second before turning itself off but not before Alex whispers  _ “I love you”.  _ One. Last. Time.

It takes Kara several minutes to compose herself enough to look at the empty space in front of her. Once the sobs die her heart feels lighter and she can breathe easier. The ache is still deep and gaping in her chest and her eyes are burning with the force of fresh tears that she fights back. She needs to be strong one more time. She needs to keep going and live in this world that feels too big without Alex, but she has to do it because she needs to live for two instead of just for herself.

“Hank?” She calls softly before meeting the martian’s eyes. “Does it get better?”

They both know the answer to that. They’ve been through similar hells and they know that the pain fades when they don’t think about it but it’s always there no matter how hard they try. However, Kara is asking for a different thing. The answer doesn’t matter at all, Kara knows it far too well. But she needs something to hold on. She needs to find hope in another place.

“Yes,” Hank nods. “Things will be alright.”

It’s not enough to keep Kara going for the rest of her life but it is enough to let Supergirl rest for the night. It’s enough to keep her demons behind even if it is just for a couple hours. It is enough to add some light to blue orbs when there was only pain and remorse on them.

“Ice cream?”

Kara uses her powers to freeze the melted ice cream and even when it’s not the perfect texture it’s better than a completely melted one. She offers a spoon to Hank and they both eat in relative peace, the tv is on some silly animal show that they pretend to watch but there’s one thing that remains true even in a moment like that:

_ El Mayara. Stronger together. _

  
  



	4. Another Day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara tries to find solace and hope to keep going. A confession is made and maybe, Kara has another chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm really thankful for the support you've been giving me and I can't thank you enough. All of you are wonderful and I hope you like this chapter. Like always, special thanks to my betareader, she's a Sunshine and she makes this story possible.

Kara wakes up from to the insistent buzzing of her alarm clock. A groan escapes her parted lips and for a second she thinks about sending the annoying clock flying out of the window. She just wants to turn around and fall asleep for the rest of eternity but suddenly, Alex’s words echo in her mind and so she groggily sits back down. 

That’s the first step to starting a new day, and even when the raging sunlight sneaks through her bedroom curtains, it’s not enough to ease her pain or raise her energy level. 

The clock is still beeping; alerting Kara about being late to work, and in response she tries to set it off gently but her mind isn’t focused and she has no control over her powers. There’s an intrusive, loud crashing sound and suddenly the alarm clock is nothing but a pile of plastic and colorful wires. 

It’s not like she loved the useless, monotonous thing. It wasn’t cheerful or pretty in any way but it did the job to wake up a grumpy alien every day. The red numbers glared at Kara each morning and the blaring sounds were a little too loud for the Kryptonian girl. Perhaps that’s the reason the damn thing was so efficient at its job; because Kara could sleep through a plethora of things. Alex banging her door like a maniac or the Phantom zone to name a couple. 

Kara sighs for the first time and she hasn’t even been awake for more than three minutes. 

She needs to buy another alarm clock; her little stash of them has ended with the unfortunate destruction of that one, and she makes a mental note hoping that she can remember something so simple later on in the day. Her senses are still numbly humming with grief and her mind is foggy with sleep. Not that she had a lot to start with. 

Kara knows that she needs to keep going no matter how hard it is to leave her bed behind. She’s pretty sure that her bed is the love of her life, well...almost. 

CatCo is the distraction the Kryptonian needs to stay focused without losing her mind. So she makes the effort to get ready for another day as Kara Danvers. Miss Grant is always demanding something and Kara is glad that the woman keeps a busy schedule that will keep her entertained for the majority of the day. 

Kara has gone beyond her limits to keep her secret identity safe so there’s no reason for Cat to know who she really is or to know that she lost a loved one. There’s a rule that doesn’t allow Kara to cry at work and therefore, she can pretend for the day that she didn’t lose the most important person in her life. Perhaps it’s denial but Kara needs that sense of normality back in her life even if it’s just for a few hours. 

She hurries to get ready as fast as she possibly can without using her superpowers. The shower helps her feel relaxed and she is a different woman when she puts on fresh clothes. Her face, thankfully, doesn’t show evidence from the many tears shed last night and the only proof that Hank was there with her is the second spoon in the sink. 

He left once Kara decided to get some sleep; or at least try to. It was hard but after forty minutes of restless thrashing and tossing in bed, the girl of steel finally fell into a deep slumber. Her dreaming mind, a peaceful haven away from the world, welcomed her with a warmth that reality lacked now that Alex was out of the picture. 

Cat Grant is a powerful, smart and strong woman that can put the world on hold but she waits for nothing or no one. If people want to talk to her, they have to seek her out; not the other way around. Never the other way around. So Kara has no time to waste. 

She finds herself at Noonan’s when the city is barely starting to rise from a blanket of slumber; the air inside the coffee shop is warm as it surrounds first customers placing their orders as they start their buzzing days. The TV is on; the morning news providing comfortable  background noise that Kara can’t help but vividly listen to. 

There’s no crime in National City. No aliens, no desperate attempts to sneak into a bank or rob jewelry. No elder women getting their purses stolen. National City is quiet and all eyes are focused on a single person; Supergirl. They wonder if she’s okay and they’ve slowly begun to  notice how she hasn’t been around after the incident but no one can find it within themselves to blame her. 

“Poor girl,” Mike says while finishing Kara’s order behind the counter “I hope she’s doing alright.” 

Kara fakes a small smile before leaving the coffee shop hurriedly with two fresh lattes. 

She barely restrains the urge to run out of there or the need to fly away and hide in space for the rest of her life. She needs to control every emotion and instinctual reaction related to Supergirl because of the intense emotional triggers. There’s no way she can keep going on like nothing happened because, Supergirl or not, she lost the most important person in her life. 

Kara walks, not paying attention to the people around her. She avoids any kind of contact more out of fear of a possible reflex than anything else. She counts to ten, twenty, fifty, a hundred until the world makes sense but the blue suit hidden beneath her blouse is too tight and restrictive to give her enough space to breathe. She’s glad to be wearing her glasses at the moment, otherwise, the world would be just a mess of bones, lead structures, and too many blurred faces. 

Once inside CatCo’s building, Kara makes a critical mistake; she relaxes. She’s expecting the slow and somehow boring morning that waits for her until Cat gets there and is out of her first meeting of the day. However, how can life be normal with Supergirl in distress? How can Cat Grant let the chance pass to stir up chaos when she doesn’t know her assistant is actually the last, very stressed daughter of Krypton? 

It takes a moment for the world to crumble around her although it’s been just five minutes and thirty-one seconds since she left Noonan’s, a few hours since Hank was at her apartment and a day since her life changed forever...once again. 

Kara hopes to find a safe space where her mind can focus solely on work. She waits for the soft lull of a busy day to help with the healing process of her broken soul but instead, she finds chaos. 

There’s a cluster of people gathered in the middle of the top floor. Everyone is talking too much and too fast for Kara to process any line of conversation and actually understand what’s going on. There are a hundred conversations mixing, swirling and shifting from one voice to the other. It makes her feel dizzy and she stops listening altogether. 

The voices fade to the background as white noise and Kara can finally breathe again. The murmurs are somehow comforting but at the same time, they are an unavoidable warning  that something is going on. That something can’t be good when people forget that Ms. Grant is about to enter the building. 

James and Winn spot her almost immediately, their eyes going wide with surprise and some other feeling that Kara can’t decipher because they’re already running towards her. They don’t hesitate to reach out to her trying to push or pull her out of there to no avail. They can’t even move her an inch from her spot but their antics manage to slightly upset her. 

She’s confused and needs some answers but before she can open her mouth to ask, Winn is already speaking with an air of confidence that doesn’t fit the usually awkward guy. 

“Kara! It’s so good to see you,” he starts. The tone of his voice; high pitched and overly enthusiastic, is enough to reveal that his apparent mood is a blatant lie. “You shouldn’t be here. This is a good moment to turn around and go back home. Isn’t that a fantastic idea James?” 

Kara’s eyes shift to James and he squirms away when their eyes meet. 

It’s obvious he feels some kind of pity for her but that doesn’t mean he wants to be the one to tell Kara what’s going on. It’s not an easy task and he wishes Clark could be there to handle the situation but, when has Clark been there for Kara to start with? 

“You shouldn’t be here. It’s not a good moment.” He nods and looks down at his suddenly interesting shoes. “Listen, Kara...” 

Whatever he’s going to say next is drowned out by the ring of the elevator. The boss is on the floor and against all odds, the sound doesn’t make people scatter away in shame or fear. The chaos grows and the volume increases to a deafening point, at least for Kara. 

People gather around the metallic doors waiting for them to open. 

Kara moves swiftly past Winn and James ignoring them when they call her name. She is forced to use a little bit of her super strength disguised as sharp elbows to get to the front. She’s Cat’s assistant and she has to be there always, with a hand extended to offer a latte. There’s no way she’s going to let them tarnish her reputation even if it means she has to take the blame for the currently overcrowded top floor. 

Kara is the girl of steel and her body is bulletproof but her nerves are not and she trembles slightly when the doors finally open. She would like to have an idea of what’s going on and yet all she can do is to offer a big smile to welcome Cat Grant. 

The older woman exudes a confidence that Kara can only muster when she’s a superhero. There’s something about Cat that oozes power and strength. It’s the confirmation that she could fight Supergirl and no one would dare say otherwise although they know it’s not true. 

Meanwhile, Kara can’t be that confident. She doesn’t know how to stop being the shy and awkward girl when she’s out of the suit. Maybe she’s afraid of being noticed, but sometimes, just sometimes, she would like to get the attention from the right people. But there she is; invisible in the middle of a crowd that won’t listen to her and Cat is standing at the front with an unimpressed expression on her face. 

This is not the best way to start a morning. That’s for sure. 

“Miss Grant, I can explain this.” She starts but, can she? 

“Kiera,” Cat barely looks at her before returning her attention to the phone in her hand. She moves gracefully and the mass of people gets out of her way, her presence enough to part the crowd to her office but that’s not a surprise. “Why aren’t they in my office already? The meeting should start once I’m here and you know I don’t like to wait.” 

“What?” 

Kara shoots a confused look to her friends but Winn and James refuse to meet her gaze. They don’t answer any of her unspoken questions either so Kara lets out a frustrated sigh before fidgeting with her glasses. She returns her attention to Cat so she knows how to proceed. 

“Gather a team,” Cat says even if she never stops walking. “Just the most important people, but I assume you know how to do your job. We’re gonna need a couple of skilled reporters, that’s if we still have more than one of those.” 

Kara has to fight the crowd to follow Cat to her office where the line is metaphorically drawn because no one but Kara has permission to enter after their boss. She waits for a second longer until Cat turns around with a sharp movement. 

“Well, what are you waiting for? You have two minutes Kiera.” 

Kara stands there for a second longer than expected. She didn’t get the memo to understand what’s going on but she won’t let that be an impediment. She’s not going to lose her job because of this. She can’t lose CatCo’s familiarity when she’s lost everything else. 

She aspires to be like Cat Grant, an independent woman that knows no rule made by men. She’s a strong woman that has fought hard to achieve her goals in life against all odds and Kara needs her guidance even when her boss can’t remember her name the right way. 

Kara turns around to face the crowd. She struggles to get past them but once again her carefully disguised strength and sharp elbows are enough to get her to the other side. The noise is left behind with the crowd still gathered at the doors of Cat’s office. 

However, she’s not ready to face the scene of an almost empty building. 

Several desks are empty while their occupants are gathered behind her. Every screen in the building is showing the same scene and Kara freezes on the spot. All noise fades and Kara can’t feel anything but a growing emptiness. It’s like being sucked into a black hole. 

Kara can see her face on every screen except that it’s not really hers. She’s watching the face of a broken hero; Supergirl, while she weeps openly on Alex’s chest. There’s a headline at the top; “Who is she?” written in bright red letters before the camera zooms in on Alex’s face. 

She’s lying there, with a calm face that makes her look peaceful although she’s no longer mentally there. 

“No,” Kara whispers before closing her eyes. 

It’s another bad decision but it’s not like she can think clearly with a thousand emotions coursing through her veins. She remembers every second and she feels weak even if she’s the girl of steel. She feels small in a universe that has taken everything away from her. It doesn’t matter how hard she holds onto things because those that matter, always slip away. 

“We’re sorry Kara.” Winn places a hand on her shoulder. “The mail Cat sent arrived this morning and we didn’t want to bother you. To be honest, we weren’t expecting you to show up. If it was needed we would have called Hank for support since it wouldn’t be the first time he’s covered for you.” Winn says in a hurry trying to stop Kara’s pain. “You shouldn’t be here.” 

Blue eyes open to take in that picture one more time no matter how painful it might be. Kara tries to say something, anything, but the knot in her throat threatens to make her voice break into silent sobs. She’s tired and it’s only been a day since everything happened. 

“Where am I supposed to be?” She wonders breathlessly. “Where was I supposed to go if not here? This is my job, Winn. I’m just Kara Danvers here and I can’t lose this as well.” 

There’s nothing Winn can say to refute her words so he stays silent, but close, while James drifts off to get the group of people Cat asked for. Meanwhile, Winn takes the lattes from Kara's hands because the blonde is visibly losing control, and neither of them want to spill coffee all over the floor. 

They have to be more than competent. Good will never be good enough for Cat unless they’re the best, and he hurries downstairs to find capable people that can follow orders to a tee. No one is completely sure about the topic of the reunion but the image on the screen is a good lead. 

Two minutes later James is back. Five people walking behind him and into Cat’s office. Kara doesn’t hesitate before following closely although her heart is beating too loudly for her to hear anything else but her own breathing and her heart hammering against her chest. 

“We’re here,” James announces. 

Cat sees but does not acknowledge their arrival, only regarding the man with a pointed roll of her eyes before leaving her seat behind the desk to get closer to the group. 

“We’re ready.” 

“I doubt that. If you were ready then you would have answers instead of those huge question marks clearly floating above your heads.” 

Kara feels small; smaller than she has ever felt in her life. 

She remembers her first day at CatCo and how the imposing woman that would be her boss wasn’t as scary as she is at the moment. She remembers her first try at being a hero and how that plane was a little too much for her current control over her abilities but she managed well enough to save lives. 

However, the scene on display behind Cat’s desk is a little too much; a haunting shadow clinging to Kara’s bones and soul. 

“We need answers,” Cat starts and her inquisitive gaze falls on Kara for a brief moment “and we need them soon. The eyes of the planet, yes that hideous Daily Planet, are on us. National City has a hero that has saved our lives on more than one occasion but it looks like we don’t know a thing about her. That’s unacceptable if we want to be the best. I’m not asking for Supergirl’s secret identity but we need more information than what we already know.” 

Cat pauses enough for Winn to hand her one of the lattes. She grasps the cup but does nothing to take a sip. Her eyes are fixed on the world outside of her window and the to- go cup sits aimlessly on her desk before she returns her sharp eyes to the eight people standing in front of her. 

“Supergirl is our hero and we lean on her whenever the city is in danger. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about alien menaces or a fight between kids, she finds a way to make things better for all of us and we feel safe. When did we forget about her? We...abandoned her and she got her own hero! We know nothing about Supergirl and we know nothing about her.”

Cat turns around to point at one of the many screens hung behind her desk. She points to Alex’s face to emphasize her words. This is not about Supergirl but about Supergirl’s hero. 

“Who is she? How did she know Supergirl?” Cat faces her team with an exasperated look when no one attempts to move. “Get out of here and give me some answers!” 

Kara remains fixed on the spot while everyone scatters to follow Cat’s orders. They have no clue where to start but at least they can escape Cat’s wrath for a little longer. Meanwhile, Kara keeps her eyes glued to the screens and the image playing over and over again. 

Silence fills her ears while she tries to find Alex’s heartbeat again but she finds Cat’s steady breathing instead. It’s not what she’s looking for but it’s enough to ground her even if she still feels small in a world that’s unable to understand how she feels. 

“Kiera...” 

“Her name is Alex,” Kara whispers. 

Her words don’t get a reaction from Cat because all of them were able to hear Supergirl’s broken whispers of the brunette’s name. Everyone heard the hero’s pleas for Alex to stay. All of them know a lot about Supergirl and yet, they don’t know a thing about her. 

“Alexandra Danvers.” 

Cat walks towards the door and Kara thinks she’s going to leave. There’s no way Cat has time to deal with this even when that information is exactly what she asked for. However, Cat closes the crystal door so no one can hear their conversation. 

A second later the whole crystal wall turns opaque and both women are hidden from any prying eyes. They have a privacy that Cat never uses because she likes to watch her team even when they think she’s too busy to pay attention. 

This time she takes the added privacy because it’s not about her personal secrets but about the life of a superhero that’s been living under the name of Kara Danvers. 

“Kara.” 

There’s a silent understanding between them but Kara can’t stop talking. She needs to get it off her chest and talk about the most important woman that she’s ever met. She needs to tell the world about Alex and how she was more than a secret agent or a human. At the same time, she can’t let them know because it will compromise her secret identity. That would compromise everything Alex fought for, everything they did together, and she can’t risk that. 

Alex is not longer there to save her and Kara has to learn how to protect herself. 

“What are you doing here?” Cat asks with a softness in her voice that she only uses with Carter. 

“I-I’m...I’m working, Ms. Grant.” Kara meets Cat’s eyes but can’t manage to hold her gaze for long. “I’m your assistant and I’m doing my job. I-I should get back to it.” 

“I know who you are and we know this is not your only job. It took me a while to understand why Supergirl wanted to work in this place. It took me even longer to understand how it was possible to get Supergirl and Kara Danvers in the same room but then...your friend, Waldo, is not a good liar.” Cat offers a small smirk. “Then, I remembered Superman and his need to be a mediocre man by the name of Clark Kent. You’ve always been exceptional, cape or not, and when I finally understood how much this job means to you I let it pass. You’re safe here, Supergirl.” 

Kara is momentarily shellshocked before reaching up to anxiously fidget with her glasses. 

“I’m not her, Ms. Grant. I’m not Supergirl.” She weakly tries to protest. 

She’s tired of losing people and pushing them away to keep a secret. She knows the rules but that secret weights on her shoulders and makes her feel trapped in a life where she wanted nothing but to be free. She’s not normal and she will never be able to fit into a world that’s not hers. 

Kara trusts Cat and she wants to accept the truth and nod but instead, she looks to the ground, away from those piercing eyes that always found a way to find the truth beneath layers of lies.

“I’m not.” 

Cat rolls her eyes when Kara’s voice turns soft and vulnerable but then, the older woman pulls Kara into a familiar embrace. The gesture shatters all their barriers because this is them, just like those moments shared on the balcony between the CEO and the hero. 

“I’m not asking you to quit and certainly I’m not firing you. The only reason you know her name,” Cat points over her shoulder to the screens behind them, “The only reason you’re here today is because you’re Supergirl. You lost someone important to you. You’ve lost everything else, your world and family but you weren’t alone until now. I know what you’re doing; escaping the madness and trying to forget about the pain. You’re trying to keep going even when the pain is too much because you don’t think you can handle it. Trust me. I’ve done the same thing.” 

Cat pulls back from the hug, her slender fingers brush some hair from Kara’s face before unbuttoning Kara’s shirt to reveal the blue suit and the “S” symbol at the front. 

“This is who you are, Kara. Supergirl has saved my life many times but, Kara Danvers has taught me valuable lessons. You taught me that I shouldn’t give up on people. You taught me that family is important and you didn’t push me, you guided me to Adam. Perhaps we live in different cities but thanks to you our relationship is better than ever before. You help me to be a better person and a better mother.” Cat lifts Kara’s chin so their eyes meet. “And now I’m going to take care of you. This is not going to be a chat with Supergirl but with Kara Danvers; the awkward ray of sunshine that makes things better for everyone around her.” 

Kara feels lost without the light that showed her the way whenever things went wrong. Alex was her home and Kara feels like there’s nowhere to go. Alex was there to hold her hand without fear of potentially ending up with a couple of broken bones. Alex was there when Kara started learning to control her powers as they showed up and developed over time. Alex was there to test her limits and she was the one that pushed her far beyond them. Alex was the reason, the first spark, that lead to Kara becoming a superhero. 

Yes, Kara would have been a hero no matter what, but everything started with Alex. 

More than the Earth’s Sun or Rao, Alex’s was her light and guidance but she was also her strength and will. When Kara was ready to give up, Alex was there to help her stand up. 

Cat knows more about Supergirl and Alex because she’s one of the few people that know Kara. She can stare into deep blue eyes and get through the shadows lurking at the surface. In this moment, Cat is part of Kara’s family along with James, Winn, and Hank. 

“You might be Supergirl but no matter how strong you are, you can’t keep the weight of the world on your shoulders forever. You’re trying to escape the grief and pain, I understand that. But you’re trying to get away from it burying yourself with work and God knows how long you can keep doing that.” 

Cat offers her a warm hug and Kara steps into it while listening carefully. Maybe this is the right thing to do and Cat is a little bit of candlelight guiding her back onto the right path although it might take time. 

“You keep fighting against the idea of being Supergirl even when you’re wearing the suit. We both know that you would pretend to be okay for others’ sake instead of yours. Sure, you can run from the past as much as you want but one day it’ll catch up. Then all those days, weeks, months or even years are going to come crashing down at the same time and no matter how hard you try, you’re gonna drown in anger, grief, and guilt. If there’s one thing I know, and I know several, is that you deserve better than that.” 

Kara knows Cat is right but that doesn’t make things any easier or better. She needs to be able to stand on her own after everything has crumbled underneath her. She needs to find the strength to keep moving forward even if that means leaving Alex in the past. 

“Now, go home or wherever you need to go. If you need to save the world a million times to feel at peace with yourself, then go ahead. Just don’t get yourself killed.” Cat mentions with a pointed glare. “If you need to stay home and don’t have enough will to leave; I will make sure to provide you with a healthy, or not so much, amount of pizza or whatever comfort food you enjoy. If you need to flee the city for a few days or a couple months then; go. National City survived before you decided to be our hero, we can manage on our own and if not I guess we could call your cousin to keep things under control. That’s not the most brilliant idea I’ve ever had but this is not about me or this city.”

Cat tightens the hug enough to break bones in any human but it brings comfort to Kara. 

“Make sure to come back, Supergirl. This place wouldn’t be the same without you. And whenever you come back, I hope you’re at peace with yourself and life.”

Kara takes everything she can from that hug before she finally let go. Surprisingly, she feels much better after it. It’s not like the pain inside her chest is gone but with Cat and Hank’s help, she dares to feel a little glimpse of hope. She knows a new beginning is pretty much needed and she’s ready to tie some loose ends and learn how to let things go.

Alex was right about that, she holds onto things too tight but who can blame her?

All she has are memories from her long lost planet and everything left from Alex. Memories are all she has to remember her life along with the main reasons behind her existence now that her world is shattered again. She’s been broken into pieces but she needs to pull herself back together.

“Go. Now.” Cat orders but there’s a gentleness peaking through her voice as she speaks. “And please use the door. Maybe you don’t know this, but windows aren’t the entrance people tend to use.”

This time Kara chuckles before working on the buttons of her shirt to cover the emblem of her house crest once again. Cat Grant knows her secret but that doesn’t mean she wants the whole office to know about it. There are words that can’t be spoken and secrets that are hers to keep.

“Thank you, Cat.”

Kara walks out of the office and a second later the glass door is back to its crystalline form. People scurry away to avoid Cat’s icy glare but it’s clear that all of them are curious about the things transpired between boss and assistant.

No one dares to say a word about it and they keep their mouth shut when Kara walks through desks and people towards the elevator. Some of them wonder if she’s fired. Some of them take a guess and say she’s sick and everyone knows Cat doesn’t like germs. One or two think that she’s finally earned a few days of vacation but the timing is a little bit off with the issues going on National City. However, all of them wait until Kara is out of earshot...or so they think.

Kara pretends not to hear them once the elevator doors have closed behind her. The whole floor explodes with rumors and she has to fight her senses to keep the major part of their conversations away. It’s not an easy task and she still can hear them even when she’s at the bottom floor.

Of course, she mouths an “I’m fine” to Winn and James even when she isn’t but it’s not like they’re going to call her out on that. The look in her eyes is enough to make them simply nod as she leaves.

She leaves CatCo with a soft sigh because she’s still Kara Danvers and no one knows about the turmoil on her mind. She’s safe from being recognized when the suit is not visible and her glasses rest firmly on the bridge of her nose. She’s safe with her hair in a ponytail and her usual clumsiness in every step. She walks through people that wonder about Supergirl but, don’t spare her a second glance.

She enjoys her walk home for the first time in what feels like forever.

She makes it home with a bag full of Chinese and extra potstickers but the food is quickly forgotten. Kara is not really hungry and there’s no one to share the food with, another painful reminder that Alex is not there. Kara intends to turn the tv on and lose herself into a mindless show that can keep her distracted for a few hours, instead Alex’s hologram is in the middle of the room.

Kara goes through every recording again no matter how painful it is. She’s heard them a hundred times on her mind already. This is not the epitome of letting go but there’s a lasting thought that won’t let her move forward. She needs to hear Alex voice just one more time although she won’t be able to forget it anytime soon.

“I never told you...” Kara starts.

This is the confession that she never dared to let out. Not to Alex. Not in front of Hank. But she needs to take it out from her chest and let it hang in the air even when it’s too late to do anything about it. It’s not like she could have done a thing about it without losing Alex in the process.

“I never told you how much I love you.”

Kara pauses the record to keep Alex frozen but present for a little longer. Kara’s curled up on the couch, her arms firmly wrapped around her knees and Alex’s jacket resting on her shoulders. It’s a beacon that provides warmth and safety when nothing else can.

“I never told you that I fell in love with you over the years. I don’t know when it started or how it all happened exactly.” Kara shakes her head trying to gather her thoughts. “Maybe it was the day we met or when I saw you surfing for the first time. Maybe when you defended me even when you hurt yourself in the process. Perhaps the day we flew together for the first time or all of those moments added up.” Kara smiles forlornly at the holographic figure in front of her. “It doesn’t matter now but one day I realized there was no one else for me. There is no one else for me.”

Kara goes silent for a couple minutes, the crinkle appearing on her forehead before she stands up with superspeed.

“Maybe I still have a chance to let you know.” Kara murmurs to herself. “Maybe I can tell you! Of course! How could I forget? Just a call away!”

She scans her place with x-ray vision to find the needed object to make a specific call. She finds it in the drawer on her bedside table and hurries to contact one of her friends. Within seconds a male voice is talking to her. 

“Hey, Supergirl! What’s going on?”

“Barry!” Kara answers with excitement and hope clear on her voice. “I need your help.”

“You call the shots, girl of steel.”

Kara counts silently; one, two three…

The portal appears next to Alex’s hologram and Kara feels her anxiety grow.

Yes, maybe she still has a chance.


	5. Warriors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Kara goes to Earth 1 and finds Alex once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm really thankful for all your support. All the kudos and comments mean the world to me and I hope you're enjoying this. Hopefully things will look better for our girls soon.
> 
> As always, thank you to my beautiful Beta "Sunshine" for making this better.
> 
> Let's go.

The untouched donut box sitting next to Kara is probably the second warning that something is extremely wrong. Just like Barry, Kara isn’t one to turn down food; much less if it’s a sugary treat. The first warning is Kara’s call to another dimension and the glaring emptiness in her blue eyes looking on as Barry asks questions that are left unanswered.

Kara drags him back to Earth one with a deafening silence rivaling that in the Fortress of Solitude but Barry follows along anyway because even though He doesn’t see her often, he can read her well enough. He knows enough to be patient and be the friend that Kara needs him to be.

She doesn’t say a word until they are in front of Cisco and she’s still having a hard time explaining the emergency even when she asked for their help. The truth is; there isn’t a good place to start and everything is still too fresh, the wounds are too painful. That’s the reason Barry bought some donuts from the nearby bakery along with two cups of fresh coffee and one hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon. He’s not an expert, but once again, he knows just enough.

It’s more than a little concerning when Kara refuses a jelly filled donut, although she accepts the hot beverage. She only takes a barely there sip because she craves the warmth between her hands more than the sweet flavor slipping between her lips. She doesn’t really care about the content of the cup, it could be hot beer and she would hold it nonetheless.

“Kara, what’s going on?” Barry finally timidly asks after half an hour of tense silence, “We can’t help you if you don’t tell us. You know we’re here for you no matter what. Let us help.”

Another seemingly endless moment passes with a million emotions showing on Kara’s face before she finally meets Barry’s eyes. There’s a lot of pain that Kara is not willing to share, but this trip isn’t about pain. No matter how things are back on Earth 38, Kara is here with them looking for a second chance.

She sought their help, but there’s a sense of dread still deep within her chest. It makes her hesitate, although this is her last opportunity to get some closure. Her chest is heavy and it’s hard to breathe when the walls keep closing in around her, but she has to do this for herself and for Alex.

“I need your help to find someone.”

Cisco nods and turns around confidently. It’s not the first time she’d said something like that and with the help of his many tools, he can track almost anyone. Some people take more time than others to be found, but in the end, he can find them. If the person Kara is looking for is somewhere on Earth one, then he’s going to do his best to aid Supergirl. If his resources aren’t enough, well, they can always call the Arrow team for some backup.

“Alright. Who are we looking for?”

Kara takes a deep breath, but the name refuses to escape her lips. Instead, she takes a small sip from the cup in her hands, although the sweet taste of hot chocolate makes the moment seem a little bitter.

“Her name is Alexandra Danvers.”

Cisco types the name without a second thought, but Barry is taken off guard. He knows that name. He met Alex when he visited Supergirl’s world for the first time. They went to the DEO and he had the chance to meet Dr. Danvers, Alex, briefly before she had to go. He remembers her face and there’s no way he could forget Kara’s sister when it’s all she ever talks about.

Barry knows that Alex holds a special place in Kara’s heart. She’s in a place that no one else can reach because there’s no one in the world that compares to her. She is Kara’s world and everyone that hears Kara talking so fondly about her knows that.

It’s not the explanation Barry was half expecting, but those words, as simple as they are, are enough to start pulling the puzzle together. It’s just another piece falling in place.

“I’m not sure about her age here. Even if it’s the same year in both worlds, things can certainly be different. She’s the daughter of Eliza and Jeremiah Danvers so that should be a good place to start.”

Cisco hums and enters the additional data to the system trying to find the right person. He’s good at doing his job, but he’s not a God and his system may be the best in half the country but it’s not infallible. He quickly types it in and waits for several minutes, but he doesn’t have results yet.

“Anything else you can tell me?”

Barry looks at Kara carefully, but he doesn’t say a word. Of course, he’s curious, but he’s also a good friend. He knows when to ask and when to keep quiet for the benefit of his friend. He knows that there are things that can’t be shared easily because they hurt too much and because no matter how hard you try to ignore them it doesn’t change the fact that they exist. He knows that Kara will open up when she’s ready and that could take some hours or several years. Either way, Barry wants to be there because there’s only a bunch of people that can understand what it’s like to be a hero, so all he wants is to be there for her the way she’s there for him.

“Alex always wanted to help people. She was such a kind person and I’m sure that if it wasn’t for me, she could have done...” Kara stops herself from finishing that sentence because Alex did her best with Kara in her life and nothing could change that. “I’m sure she would have followed a different path. Maybe she would have been a doctor or a police officer. Try looking in those fields.”

Barry and Cisco exchange a worried glance, but they say nothing. Barry understands that Alex is no longer in Kara’s world and that’s the reason she’s looking for her in a different universe altogether. The thought breaks his heart and he aches for his friend.

Meanwhile, Cisco returns his attention to the computer. He types furiously, trying to find the right Alexandra Danvers and he's overwhelmed with the number of people that share that name. He doesn’t know who this person is but she’s important to Kara and that’s all that matters to him.

Barry sits next to Kara. He doesn’t dare to touch her even when Kara is usually a touchy person. That doesn’t mean he has Kara's consent to approach her when she’s in such a vulnerable state. Then, Kara reaches out to him with an extended hand that he doesn’t hesitate in taking. He squeezes her hand softly before Kara is leaning further into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

The discarded box of donuts appears in Kara’s free hand and she takes one before offering one to Barry. It’s hard to swallow the sugary treat when the first bite feels like sandpaper on her mouth. She forces herself to take another bite as a form of distraction before meeting Barry’s eyes.

“Don’t worry,” she says after washing down the donut with a sip of her chocolate “I just need to see her again. I need to know that she’s okay, even if it’s on another planet. At least I can be sure that she doesn’t need my protection. It’s ironic, you know? I’m the one with the cape but she’s the hero. She saved my life so many times.”

The young men in the room stay silent because no matter how sorry they are, that won’t change Kara’s perspective or change the events of Earth 38. Sometimes some kind of closure is needed and if Kara is looking for that on Earth 1 then neither of them are going to deny her that.

Barry wraps his arm around Kara’s shoulders and wonders when The Girl of Steel became so fragile. Then, he remembers that the only thing that made Kara strong enough to earn her that title is her impenetrable skin. The things that made her a heroine were her kind and noble heart, her need to help others, her compassion and her love for life and humanity. There’s a fierceness in her eyes when she wants to do good for other people and yet there’s always softness. Violence is not the first option for her. It never was.

There’s a person beneath the cape. Yes, Kara is not human and her body and abilities make her an alien to normal people, but those powers make her different from the people back in Krypton. She didn’t have powers until she made it to Earth. Her powers aren’t Kryptonian. They were granted to her by Earth’s yellow Sun and they leave her lost in the middle of two opposite worlds and sometimes Kara doesn’t know where she fits in. Although Kara wasn’t born on Earth, she’s more human than she knows.

Everyone can see the girl that works hard for the things she loves. She fights for Justice and Peace. She wants to know the truth, even when it hurts. Her need to help others is the main reason why she decided to join CatCo. Kara enjoys the simple pleasures of life like eating ice cream for breakfast or sleeping in a little on the weekends. When Kara is just Kara, without last names or being Supergirl, she talks freely about the things she loves like the rain on a summer’s day or potstickers. She talks about Cat Grant being a wonderful woman behind all those sharp edges and how beautiful Lucy Lane is but more than anything; she talks about Alex.

“I found her,” Cisco calls a couple of minutes later “Alexandra Danvers, twenty-eight, daughter of Dr. and Dr. Danvers. She decided to follow their steps in science and became a Paramedic. She actually works in this city. She has one of the highest records when it comes to saving people in tough situations. It seems like Alex has the clarity to find the best course of action to stabilize people so they can make it to the hospital and her quick thinking makes her a good leader.”

Cisco reads through some more files, trying to find important information and key details that can be useful for Kara. There’s a lot of things that can be told about Alex Danvers and Kara has to be proud because most of them are achievements and honors earned through hard work.

“Actually, she was promoted not so long ago. She’s in charge of her own team and they work harder than the rest. Her unit can attend twice as many emergencies as any other team.”

He can keep reading through the files or give them to Kara but she is focused on her hands and the cup resting between them. She’s listening to his words but refuses to look up at the screen.

“Is she working right now?”

Kara needs a plan to meet with her, although she’s aware of the many risks. Alex has a hectic life like all the paramedics, doctors, police officers or firefighters. They don’t really have a day off because there’s always a possibility to be called into work. It might be because of an unexpected surgery, a building in flames or not enough cops to handle a certain situation. In the end, it’s always an emergency and they dedicate their lives to help others.

“She is,” Cisco says.

They need to figure a way to meet with Alex and explain the situation without revealing  too many details. Kara doesn’t exist in this universe, on this Earth, although it is possible that she have a human doppelganger. Still, the chances of Alex being in contact with one of those look-alikes are almost non-existent in a world with seven billion people.

They don’t need to find loopholes in their plans,instead,they start thinking about ways to make it work. They just need a chance to approach Alex. They just need a small window of time for Kara to open her heart without freaking Alex out with the whole extent of the truth.

“I have an idea. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s better than nothing.”

Both superheroes turn their attention to the third person in the room. Cisco is typing on his computer again while Barry and Kara wait patiently for an explanation.

“It’s going to be almost impossible to catch Alex out of work and it would be even harder to find a viable reason for you to talk to her. I mean, to actually talk to her.”

“What’s the plan then?” Barry asks.

“The plan is to save Kara, a normal citizen that found herself in a dangerous situation and getting the paramedics there. It’s not a perfect plan since we don’t want to endanger people or waste the city’s resources completely. Both of you can do what you always do, help others. I can do my best calling the shots, get the right teams at the right moment and we’ll see.”

“It sounds... acceptable. How are we going to do this?”

“We need to get you as close as possible to a distress call,” Cisco says to Kara, “And we need the right superhero for this mission. It’s a good thing that we know the best one for this situation. We only need the right opportunity and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Cisco is confident as they monitor any kind of incident that requires the aid of the Flash. The hero takes a couple of calls where he can help but they can introduce Kara because there are too many witnesses or things could look suspicious if suddenly Kara is the only unharmed person.

They try really hard to keep calm while they wait. Kara keeps pacing the room without stopping until Cisco perks up after three and a half hours of waiting.

“We have a fire! Okay, listen up. People are trapped inside a four story building. The dense smoke prevents them from leaving and the flames are spreading fast. Firefighters are already on their way, but you two should have enough time to get there first.”

The Flash and Supergirl are ready to go in less than a second and Cisco has to remind himself that those two aren’t like him. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that he’s working with a metahuman and the last daughter of Krypton. In other words, a freaking alien.

“There’s a small window at the back of the building. It’s discreet enough for Kara to slip in without being noticed. The top floors are starting to crumble so be careful out there!”

The heroes nod and are out of there once Cisco finishes. Kara can’t reveal herself on this Earth, so she takes Barry’s offer to take her there. He’s not the strongest man alive, but he can handle her weight, with a little help of her floating abilities, to take her through the many streets in record time. Hopefully, their speed is enough to avoid any prying eyes from noticing the pastel-colored blouse that Kara is wearing. Flash is used to looking like less than a blur and hopefully, she looks like that too.

He leaves her a couple of blocks behind the building, close enough so Kara can make her way without her super speed,and giving her a chance to sneak in unnoticed.

Meanwhile, Barry makes his appearance at the front when some people give her more details about the general situation. He’s there to help but he won’t do it blindly.

There are fifteen people trapped inside. The first two floors should be empty since everyone made it outside safely before the fire grew and blocked part of the stairs and hallways upside. The top floor is falling apart and he fears that even with his speed, he’s too late but he has faith.

He enters the building and waits just a second until Kara appears next to him.

Kara tries to fight her own need to help, she’s a hero too, but no one can see her or she could lose her only chance. However, there are different small tasks that she can perform to aid Flash. She guides him through the fire, leading him to the many places where people need his help. She helps him get through the physical barriers that he couldn’t move on his own like fallen walls or stuck doors. She makes a quick job and stays hidden in the darkest corner or behind the flames. That way both of them are safe and people make it out of there slowly but steadily.

It takes several minutes, but finally, the last person lies safely in Barry’s arms and he’s ready to head out. He needs to come for Kara and their job will be done.

“Alright, guys. The last call is for Alex’s unit and they should be there in a couple of minutes to pick up Kara. Everything has worked just fine, now you need to finish the job.”

The sirens sound close and they know that the firefighters are arriving. Barry looks at Kara for a long second, not more than that, and heads out with the precious cargo in his arms. He’s hesitant to leave Kara behind when the fire keeps growing and consuming the building, but this is Kara Danvers, Supergirl, indestructible on Earth one.

Once he makes it outside, the roof collapses, bringin several parts of the structure down with it. Suddenly the door is not an option to get back inside and Flash is not strong enough to push his way inside. He knows just how strong Kara is but that doesn’t mean that he is not worried.

Kara hears the wood creaking all around her. It’s a clear warning that the building is not going to hold up a fight against the burning flames. The thick black smoke doesn’t let the Sunshine inside, it blocks the light even when there’s no roof above Kara’s head. She’s on the top floor, watching the fire as it keeps growing and making its way through lives, memories, and homes. Everything is lost and nothing else can be saved apart from the lives that Barry saved.

She could use her superpowers and extinguish the flames, but there’s not a good enough reason for the fire to die without a good explanation and so, she waits. She waits for the first droplets of water to enter through the damaged roof. She waits for the firefighter’s to help her so she can help them in return. She floats in expectation, her eyes closed while she listens to their frantic voices.

“Is anyone else in there?”

That’s Alex, asking with worry in her voice while she stares at the building. Kara can see her even when she’s not using her x-ray vision. She can imagine the worry lines on her beautiful face and how she’s trying to figure out a plan even when the firefighters are already there.

“Yes,” Flash says “There’s a girl in there. She’s the last one, but I wasn’t able to make it back inside before the door collapsed.”

“We’re on that!”

Kara can hear everything. She listens carefully to the sound of the screaming building trying to stay upright. She hears the many voices outside working together to put the fire down and get her out of there. She focuses on Alex’s heartbeat, so similar and yet not the same before she hears the rush of water colliding against the building.

She floats in the middle of the room, breathing softly enough so no one notices from the outside how she’s using her superpowers to help the firefighters.

It takes several minutes until the world around her is charcoal. The universe shuts up while Kara falls. Everything is silent while she collapses on the fragile floor beneath her and the floor gives out from under her. It happens two more times until she’s laying on the bottom floor.

Kara can’t hear the world around her, but she can feel how her lungs are aching for fresh air. She can feel the slickness of blood on her left arm and forehead. She can see the burning world ahead of her, the last flames still burning with the memory of her home. Krypton is hidden there, in that moment and Kara wonders, just for a second, if it’s her time to join with her mother and friends.

While she lays in there, she’s blissfully unaware of the door being opened again. She’s unaware of how Barry is the first to enter and how he looks around for her with inhuman speed until she finds her. She can see him talking to her, but she can’t hear him.

“No, no.” He mutters.

It’s no wonder why he’s scared after he sees her like that. She’s nothing but dirty blond hair, unfocused eyes, broken glasses and several cuts painting her skin with red.

“Come on, Kara. I’m gonna take you out of here.”

Barry is shaking while he moves debris away from Kara until he’s able to pull her free. He’s scared when blue eyes are unfocused because he knows about Kryptonite and the radioactive mineral doesn’t exist on his planet. However, he’s unaware of Solar Flares.

He doesn’t know that Kara is exhausted from her fight with the alien that killed Alex. He ignores the fact that she couldn’t sleep and her body refuses to keep any food down since the ice cream she shared with J’onn. He’s unaware of how much strength she has used to keep moving even when her world practically exploded again. Kara can’t sleep because every time she closes her eyes, Krypton appears and the red light of Rao destroys her home world. Every time she tries to sleep, Alex is whispering her name and telling her how much she loves her before hazel eyes turn cold and empty. Every time Kara breathes, her chest aches and silent tears run down her cheeks.

There’s no way Barry would know that Kara did her best to stop the fire in a vain attempt to save Krypton, to save Alex and save herself from all that pain. He can’t know that the Sun was blocked by the thick smoke until Kara ran out of solar energy and collapsed with the strength of a human, being everything she wanted to be and also everything that she was before landing on Earth.

Flash is outside in less than a second, his eyes looking for the nearby ambulance and forgetting about Alex at the moment. He needs to know that Kara is going to be alright.

“Barry.”

No one knows the identity of The Flash and the mask that covers his face helps to hide his worried expression while he hands her to Alex.

“You’re gonna be okay.” He says softly before taking a step back.

“He’s right. You’re going to be okay. Don’t worry.”

Kara looks away from her friend when she hears a different voice, although it sounds oddly familiar. It takes her a second to recognize it due to the constant throbbing on her temples and the sharp whistle filling her ears.

“My name is Alex and I’m going to take care of you.”

“Alex.”

Blue eyes widen with surprise, hope, remorse, and love but the paramedic has no way to put all those feelings together. However, Kara’s reaction earns her a kind smile in return.

“Yes, that’s me. Can you remember your name?”

“Kara. I’m Kara.”

Alex nods and places an oxygen mask on Kara’s face to help her breathe easily after the incident. She doesn't know that Kara can barely breathe because Alex is there. The paramedic does a quick check up, assessing if the blonde needs some other procedure before being transported to the hospital.

“Do you want to tag along?” Alex asks Barry.

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure she’s alright. She gave me quite the scare back there, but now I’m pretty sure she’s safe in your hands.”

Kara tries to reassure him with a simple look and he nods. This wasn’t part of the plan, but it worked for Kara. Now she has a chance to talk with Alex and get some closure.

Flash spares another brief glance at Kara before getting out of there. Even then, he can’t shake off the feeling that something isn’t right. That could be something obvious with Kara being actually hurt, but the feeling runs deeper and he knows that’s not the reason for his anxiety.The feeling in his gut is because of those things he would be unable to see even with x-ray vision.

He needs to wait until the ambulance makes it back to the hospital. He needs to be patient while Kara and Alex have a conversation that could never happen on Earth 38. For someone called “The Flash” waiting is nothing but torture. It would be if Barry Allen didn’t have a plan.

“Cisco, keep an eye on Kara. Alex’s is with her so if you can, give them as much time as possible.”

“What the hell happened there? I thought Supergirl was invincible!”

“I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out. Whatever happened on Earth 38, I need to know. If there’s a chance, I’ll fix things there. For Kara.”

“Don’t be an idiot! You can’t mess with the timeline again. Look, Earth 38 is not our world and no one knows what could happen if you play the savior. One wrong move and you’ll erase Kara Danvers and Supergirl's existence from every world. Don’t do it.”

“I can’t just stay here.

“Yes, you can!” Cisco shouts. “You can be there for her like the friend you are and help her overcome this. That’s what you can do. That’s the best you can do.”

“I can do better. Just take care of her until I return.”

With those words and a determined expression on his face, Barry hangs up.

His mission is in another universe because Kara deserves better than losing her life again. He can’t save Krypton, but he can save Alex and give Kara back the person she considers home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think of the story.
> 
> Until next time!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has a conversation with Alex on Earth 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-betaed so I hope it's not that bad. All mistakes are mine and I hope you like it.

Kara has answered more than a few questions about the fire and any kind of pain she’s experiencing. So far her status isn’t critical. Her arm needs a few stitches and so does her forehead. She’s slightly dizzy although the oxygen mask is there to help with that, Kara knows that the feeling is not because she lacks oxygen but due to Alex’s proximity. Their vehicle is making its way through the city slower than it should, thanks to Cisco turning the lights red and making many cars move to let the ambulance through.

Kara’s chest is heavy, it hurts to breathe and she’s unable to tell if it’s because her lungs are trying to recover, if it's because she broke a couple of ribs when she fell or because Alex is so close and yet not close enough. She sighs softly because she already knows the answer.

The sounds of the city are muffled; many cars passing by with a destination in mind, voices calling and shouting across the street and the young driver’s soft swearing when yet another light turns red a few cars ahead of them. All of that is barely audible under the beeping sound of her vital signs on the monitor next to her. She can’t hear every conversation taking place in the city and even when she’s so close to Alex, she still can’t hear her heartbeat.

It’s painful to notice the difference between Agent Danvers and this version of Alex. They are subtle but are obvious to blue eyes that spent more than half a lifetime trying to remember every single detail. This person is beautiful, gentle and kind but it’s not her Alex.

Her voice lacks the sweetness and care directed only to Kara. Her eyes are tired, probably due to a twenty-four hour or longer shift but there’s no glint of happiness at the prospect of a movie night. Her hair is just an inch longer but lacks the red tinge that shines under the sun. She’s so similar to Alex, the one that Kara knows, but every small detail is another cruel reminder of the truth.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Kara says softly.

Alex can’t say a word because she is not the right Alex and she doesn’t know that Kara is suffering so much more than from the pain of a couple bruised ribs.

“I had to get away from everything. I lost someone very close to me and I wanted to get away from the pain. I wish I could have been faster. Then...maybe I could have saved her.”

Kara closes her eyes, her healthy arm covering part of her face.

The memory of that moment haunts her and being next to this Alex is not helping. This city is too big and too loud for Kara even without her superpowers although every city feels the same. It’s like staring out of a window alone, right when the world seems emptier and colder than ever before. There are many people going on with their lives and yet Kara can’t find the person she's looking for.

“It’s not easy to lose someone.” Alex starts with a soft voice. “I lost my father last year. He was a good man and I loved him more than anything.”

The weight on Kara’s chest grows with those words. It hurts to know how long Jeremiah could have lived without Kara entering the Danvers’ lives. It hurts to know how much Kara took away from them; away from Alex.

There’s nothing she can do about that. It wasn’t her choice although she wishes she had a say before getting pushed into a home that wasn't hers.

“I became a paramedic so I could help people.”

Alex’s voice is tentative. She’s trying to comfort Kara but it’s hard to share something so personal. However, there’s something about Kara that drives her in, something that compels her to open her heart and share her story because her deepest secrets are safe with the blonde. Maybe those blue eyes are familiar in a way that Alex is unable to explain. She has seen many people and crossed paths with many pretty girls with stunning blue eyes although she never felt this comfortable sharing something that she considered private.

“I’ve been there to help people in crash accidents or when they suffer a heart attack in the middle of a restaurant. I’ve been there under pressure to save a life in a million different situations and you think you’re ready to act, to save everyone. It becomes part of who you are. You're always ready to help and quick to react because that's what you train for. When I got the call it was just another car accident. We were close, so my team got there first.”

Kara moves involuntarily, like she always does when it comes to comfort Alex. She looks at the paramedic with love, a love that is inherently hers if only just by association, and takes a slender hand with bloodied fingers, giving a soft squeeze to make sure. If Kara is trying to believe this Alex is real or trying to offer some kind of silent support, she's not quite sure.

“I recognized his car immediately. The world stopped right there and I froze. There’s nothing I could have done to save him but that didn’t stop the pain or the guilt I felt. I used to ask myself what was the point of being a paramedic if I couldn’t save my father. The truth is;  sometimes bad things just happen. Life is not always fair and no matter who or what we are, we can’t save everybody. We can learn. We can heal. We can move forward. We can try to forgive ourselves even when it's so hard to stop blaming us for things out of our control.”

Alex looks down at their joined hands, her short hair covering her face while pain flashes in her eyes for a brief second before she looks back at Kara with a gentle smile on her lips.

“There are so many things that you can’t change but that doesn’t mean you’re the one to blame. Remorse is not going to take you anywhere and if you left things unsaid, you can try to fix that. The people we love never really leave us, Kara, so let them know. It won’t change the past but it can be a chance to start again, to learn how to forgive yourself.”

There’s a moment of silence where Kara let those words comfort her. Alex always knew the right thing to say and Kara always sought her when she was lost. The fact that those words rang true on a different dimension with a different Alex was astounding.

“I’m sorry for bringing all of this up now,” Kara whispered without letting go of Alex's hand.

“It’s okay. Sometimes it’s easier to talk with someone you don’t know.”

“I took so many things away from her that some part of me always believed she hated me or resented me somehow, but she was too nice to say it. I tried to push her away so she could be free and find her way far away from me but, time and time again she came back to make sure I was okay. She always kept me safe. She protected me her whole life.”

Kara can’t look at Alex although she needs her to listen. She needs her to listen because there's no other way for her to know. She needs this version of her Alex to know all the things that were left unsaid and a voicemail can't deliver. Kara needs this because she's choking on thin air and maybe it's easier to push the words out rather than trying to fill her lungs with air.

“When my parents died,”  _ When my world exploded _ “I was lost. Everything was new, scary and lonely. I was in a new city, trying to fit and find a place to belong. Then, she found me. I was the weird kid and yet, after a rough start, she showed me that life could be so much more than just a tragedy. I was happy loving her in silence. She was the only star in the sky for me, but I felt that asking for her love was too selfish. She practically gave me everything else. How could I keep asking for more? So I never told her.”

“How can you be sure she didn’t love you too?”

The question is loud and clear but Kara can’t answer straight away. Things were never that simple.

Alex  _ did _ love her and they had no shame expressing the feeling. They said it when their lives were in danger or after a tough day at work. They would whisper it while saying goodbye after a movie night or when Kara went to Chicago just to grab Alex’s favorite lunch. Those words were always present although it was hard to understand how deep they were when both of them looked away.

Alex risked her life so many times to protect her that it’s impossible not to know the answer. Alex did love her but, Kara fell in love with Alex. Imagining that Alex loved her, in the same way, was nothing more than a foolish dream.

“She did,” Kara answers truthfully “and that’s the problem.”

“How so?”

There’s a forlorn smile on her lips when she dares to meet Alex’s eyes for a second.

“I took everything from her,” she repeats. “She deserved a life with less pain. She deserved to follow her own dreams instead of taking the best path to protect me. She should have had a choice before being pushed in front of me to take the blows that were meant for me.”

“You gave her that option. If you pushed her away and she went back to you, it was her choice.”

There’s some truth in those words. Even when Kara had no inhibitions due to red kryptonite and her words were sharp enough to cut and hurt Alex so deeply that tears fell from hazel eyes, Alex continued to love her without reservations. Alex could handle the sting of a few cruel words but not the idea of losing her. If given the option, Alex would sacrifice herself a million times to save her; no questions asked and no second thoughts.

It was funny, painfully so, how Alex thought that Kara’s light was enough to make her disappear into the darkness. She always thought that Kara was more than what she could ever be. Right, Kara was a star but Alex was bigger than the universe.

“I wish I could have been braver.”

It’s not easy to accept reality and much less understand that whatever chance they could have had is gone because neither of them could risk losing the other. They fought so hard to stay together but death did them apart. They were pressured to fill a specific role into each other’s lives and they never dared to seek their happiness beyond those limits. They were forced within them but every line was easily broken with soft words, everlasting hugs or just those stolen moments that no one could take away from them.

In the end, fear won a war where love should have been victorious.

“Now it’s time for you to be brave even if that someone is no longer here. You have two options now; do nothing or do something, whatever that something might be. You can live in the past and get stuck in there, or live for both of you. You have to try your best, heal at your own pace no matter how slowly, and know that she’s proud of you.”

A single tear rolls down Kara’s cheek but Alex is there to brush it out with gentle, although a little shaky, fingers. This is a moment shared between strangers but Kara can’t shake the familiarity of it all. This is Alex taking care of her once again. For Alex, this is a moment that she’ll remember for the rest of her life whenever she needs to find her own courage.

“Broken bones heal and surprisingly, broken hearts do the same. You’re going to be okay, Kara. I’m sure that whomever that special girl was, she loved you deeply and right now, she’s very proud of you.”

For a brief moment, this is the Alex that Kara knows. Hazel eyes are soft and loving, her lips are curled up in a small smile that is enough to comfort and give hope to a shattered heart.

Kara takes a deep breath and nods in response because no matter how different this Earth is from Earth 38, there’s a part of Alex Danvers that is still the same.

“We’re finally here, ladies!”

The driver makes the announcement with a cheerful tone. A short drive to the hospital took long enough thanks to Cisco. Of course, the red lights can only do so much while trying to slow down an ambulance but it gave Kara enough time to ease the pain in her chest. The remaining part has to do with a couple of bruised ribs.

Alex stays with her while they lead her into the emergency room. The oxygen mask is quickly replaced with another when the staff knows she was in the fire. Then, Kara is put into a small room. The paper curtains can’t block the chaotic sounds of the ER and Kara’s grateful she’s not solar charged at the moment. She’s not sure she could handle all the noise.

“Danvers! What the hell are you doing here?” A deep voice calls from the other side of the room and the young paramedic winces visibly.

“Sir! I was on my way out but we got a call. There was a fire and I had to help.”

Kara smiles behind the oxygen mask covering her face.

Cisco had some resources to help her but the universe also played its part. Many things could have prevented their meeting and yet, Kara got a nice although short talk with Alex.

“How many hours have you been working by now? Twenty-six?”

Alex checks the time and for a moment wants to correct her superior. She has spent the last thirty hours saving as many people as possible. The Flash can’t be everywhere and she’s there to cover him when she can. She has the decency to look sheepish under the man’s sharp gaze.

Then, Kara seems to process the information unfolding in front of her. This dark man with the deep voice is no other but  _ Hank _ , standing there with his strong arms crossed upon his chest and his eyes boring into Alex like the father figure he has been to them all the way along.

“You’re going home now. You’re getting out of here after checking up on your mother. You’re going to your apartment to get some good sleep. Tomorrow, you’re calling up that lovely girlfriend of yours and you’re taking her out to the movies or whatever. What you’re not doing though, is coming here to work. Not here or any other hospital. You need some rest, do you hear me?”

Alex wants to argue but another stern glare shuts her up before she has the chance.

“Yes, sir.”

Kara wonders about Alex’s girlfriend, surprised only slightly by the revelation. It’s good to know she’s happy in this universe even when the knowledge is bittersweet. Then, Kara wonders about the man, is this the real Hank Henshaw or is he the alien, the last son of Mars, that Kara knows and loves like a father?

“ _ J’onn J’onnz. _ ” Kara thinks.

The man stiffens suddenly, almost like he heard her thoughts and turns with a curious look to face her. The way he looks at her makes Kara stay still before she remembers what happened back at the burning building and how she literally collapsed into a Solar Flare.

_ “I know you, from another world.” _ She thinks, wondering if he really can hear her thoughts when her powers are drained or if she’s making a fool of herself even if no one notices.  _ “I’m Kara Zor-El. The last daughter of Krypton. I think my world is still alive in this dimension. I'm sure we’ve never met before and I don’t think we’ll ever do, not here.” _

Kara waits for some sort of reaction but a third voice gets her attention beforehand.

“I’m sorry for the delay. I’m doctor Danvers and...oh! Alex? Hank? What are you doing here?” Eliza asks them surprised by their presence. “Is there anything you need?”

Alex explains Kara’s situation to Eliza while Hank remains silent. There’s a hint of a smirk on his lips although he is silent while Kara’s condition in thoughtfully explained to the doctor.

_ “I’m not the last son of Mars here. My race survived and my planet is still alive with green and white Martians working together.” Hank’s voice echoes in her mind. “I’m sure you’re not alone in your own realm, Kara Danvers. Or should I say Supergirl?” _

“What?” She exclaims with shock.

Did he read deeper into her mind? Has he seen all her memories? How does he know  _ that _ ?

“It’s alright, dear. We just want to make sure you’re okay. We need to run some tests and if everything’s fine then you’ll be cleared off tomorrow’s morning.” Eliza says with a comforting smile.

Kara shakes her head. She didn’t mean to actually ask out loud but she couldn’t help it.

Hank only winks at her before pointing to the paramedic in the room.

“Let’s go, Danvers. I want you out of here. Now. Say bye to your mother and get moving.”

This time Alex rolls her eyes but smiles anyway.

“Yes, Director Henshaw.”

The scene feels familiar with Eliza fawning over Kara’s wounds, Alex by her side and Hank being...well, Hank. He might direct a hospital instead of a secret organization but he always had the attitude to be a great leader. He’s the only one that knows her, she’s still unsure of how but she trusts him, and yet it’s like being back home if only for a couple of minutes.

Kara watches the small interaction between Eliza and Alex, it’s somewhat cold but definitively better than the relationship they have on Earth 38.

“It was nice to meet you, Kara,” Alex says with a bright smile. “Be brave and I’ll be brave too. Deal?”

Kara wants to point how Alex has always been brave but bites her tongue.

“Deal.” She says returning the smile. “Thank you for everything, Alex. Goodbye.”

Saying bye to Alex while she's still alive, smirking as she strides out of the emergency room is not as painful as Kara thought. This is her way to get some closure and at least she knows that a part of Alex is still alive. Alive and happy. That's more than Kara could have asked for.

Alex nods and leaves the room to find her way out of the hospital after her long shift. If there’s something like a spring on her steps is just a coincidence.

“Let’s get you patched up then,” Eliza says already moving into action.

Kara discovers how painful stitches can be and how unfortunate she is without her powers because even local anesthesia doesn’t work while painkillers do almost nothing to soothe the pain on her ribcage. Honestly, there’s no need for the bandages on her midsection or a needle piercing her skin. She just needs some Sun and then she’ll be ready to go back home. However, it's not like she can tell that to Eliza when she's not the type of scientist she's back home.

Hank was right about something; she’s not alone there.

“ _ Where in the world was Barry? _ ”

Unaware to Kara, he’s saving the world. Saving her world. _ Saving Alex. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think in the comments and we'll see how is that Hank knows about Supergirl in the next chapter.


	7. Earth - Sleeping at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's go for Round Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this chapter is unbeta-ed. But I tried my best and I hope you like it. Please, enjoy it.

Kara waits in silence. It’s been hours since the last time Eliza checked on her and Kara knows that the doctor’s shift is over. It’s not like it really matters because Kara is fine; no broken bones and her life is not at risk. She has some bumps here and there but there are many people with far worse injuries than a bruised arm and some aching ribs.

However, Kara’s alone again and this time she feels _ lonely. _ She can’t call Hank or Lucy. She can’t reach out to Cat Grant and fill the hours with some sort of company until she’s finally released from the hospital. There’s always a chance to ask a nurse to contact Barry or Cisco but her situation is not critical, therefore, neither of them would be allowed to get there to break the silence. She has to wait and Kara is not good at the whole waiting thing.

All of this is unnecessary when a couple of hours under the Sun would help her heal, and with some quiet sunny days, Kara should be ready to keep National City safe.

She’s not really aware of the time but some silent calculations tell her that it’s past midnight. There’s no way she can sneak out to refill her cells with some pretty much-needed sunlight when the Sun is not even out to start with.

There’s no much Kara can do within the limits of that small room. She can only hear beeping machines, pained moans and whispers with some medical terms that she can’t understand at the moment. She tries to relax although the hospital beds aren’t exactly comfortable. Earth 1 is not exactly comfortable when she's trying to come to terms with everything that has happened.

She falls asleep without much trouble and it’s not a surprise when Alex appears on her dreams. Ales is still that refuge where Kara goes when she feels alone or broken. When she needs comfort Alex is always there in some way and this is just another way to cope with the loss.

Things are different this time though because Kara dreams with happy times instead of tragedies. She dreams about tight hugs, warm days at the beach and long nights where they would escape reality to fly under the stars. She swims in her own memories and every single smile they shared brings her calm, mends her broken heart until it's not shattered into a million pieces.

There’s no pain in Kara’s dreams and she’s not suffering.

Maybe her talk with Alex worked better than expected. Maybe Kara needed to hear her voice, have a conversation with her and believe in her when she said that things would be alright. She just needed help carrying the weight and understand that what happened wasn’t her fault. There was no way for her to know which way the arrow would follow and what the effects would be.

By no means, her talk with Alex is the end of the story. It’s going to be a long journey and it’s not going to be easy to recover, but Kara needed that last push to keep going with the knowledge that things could improve and knowing that Alex would always stay with her just like Krypton did.

A soft touch against her shoulder wakes her up hours later but it’s impossible for her to tell if it’s morning already. Still inside the building, with no windows and still no powers, the bright white light of the hospital is, indeed, too much and makes her blink a few times before she recognizes the friendly face at her side.

“Barry, hey!” She greets with a cheery voice.

“Kara, I’m sorry. I had to take care of something before dropping by.”

She nods because she gets it. Being a superhero is hard and she can’t blame him for doing what he can to save others. He helped her after all so there’s no need to apologize. Instead, Kara offers a wide smile that fades slightly when she takes on his appearance.

“Are you okay?”

Barry looks exhausted and Kara is sure he’s about to collapse on the bed and sleep for a week. The dark circles under his eyes are proof enough of that. It’s obvious he didn’t sleep at all doing whatever he was doing while he was away. However, he smiles genuinely although his tiredness shines through it. He could really use a break to recuperate but there’s no time.

He needs to send Kara back home.

The Flash is a hero but Barry Allen is still human, meta or not, his limits aren’t equal to the ones of a Kryptonian. He had to try nonetheless and so he did, for Kara. Hopefully, his efforts would be worth it but that decision wasn't in his hands anymore.

“Don’t worry about me. We have to take you out of here as soon as possible.”

“What? Why?” Kara asks “What happened?”

“Your world needs Supergirl and this time, you only have one chance. We’re running out of time so we have to go. _Now_.”

Kara is confused, worried and slightly afraid due to Barry’s words. There are many things she can do and face as Supergirl but without her powers, those things become less and less. She can't talk a scared man from shooting anyone. She can even face a couple of armed guards and knock them out with her uppercut but if the threat is an alien or something alike, she can't help no matter how eager she is to do so.

“Even if we make it on time, I am not Supergirl right now. How am I supposed to help? We need to gather a team. You should call Oliver and maybe check if the Legends can join us.”

Barry shakes his head and puts a comforting hand on Kara’s shoulder to stop her thoughts. He needs her to stay calm while he explains the situation.

“Earth 38 needs Supergirl. This mission is not for me or the Green Arrow. Any other superhero will result useless. They need you. You can do this. Just trust me and have a little faith.”

Kara tries to find some answers in his eyes but she ends up finding hope. She trusts him but that does nothing to clear her mind. She nods and follows his lead while Barry helps her out of bed. The oxygen mask was removed the last time Eliza checked up on her so that’s an obstacle they don’t have to worry about. The machine, reading her vital signs, is turned off and Kara is free to go.

Her sweater is squared away on a nearby chair but she doesn’t have time to reach for it. Barry holds her arm to stop her movements and a smirk appears on his face as he hands her a familiar suit.

“You’re gonna need this.”

Her blue suit feels heavy upon her shoulders when she doesn’t have her superpowers but she hurries to put it on under her clothes. She manages to hide the sleeves under her blouse and Kara is satisfied when Barry hands her the slightly burnt pastel sweater.

Kara is mildly intrigued about how Barry got the super suit. She doesn’t ask about it since there are more pressing matters at hand. They will have the chance to catch up and fill in the blanks later.

“I’m ready.”

Truthfully, she’s not ready. She doesn’t know what she’s going to find once she’s back home although she hopes for the best. Whatever is going on, she is Supergirl and she’s not giving up. The Flash trusts her and the least she can do is trust him as well. She has to believe in herself before facing whatever is waiting for her.

Barry takes her out of there, his suit properly in place, without giving Eliza, or whatever doctor is in charge at the moment, a possibility to notice Kara's absence before they are out of the city limits. He stops in the middle of the nothing with an interdimensional device in hand and a determined look in his eyes.

“Do you know what I’m going to find there?” Kara questions once the portal flickers to life.

“An alien. You have to fight an alien.” Barry answers once he puts her down carefully.

“What kind of alien?”

Kara is worried because in her current state she can’t fight anyone or anything too big. Sure, she has a mean uppercut and can knock most people with a well-placed punch on the jaw but aliens are a completely different story. Alex taught her how to fight but that's always backed by her super-strength and alien abilities. Kara is a hero at heart and yet that doesn’t mean she is physically able to fight a Fort Rozz escapee without a bit of help on her side.

The truth is that she doesn’t have a chance if that’s the case.

“I don’t know. Kara, listen to me: you’ll know what to do.”

Barry has a lot of faith in her, and Kara is thankful for the support, but the odds are against her.

Her most powerful weapon at the time is hope and the power of her words probably won't be enough to save her this time. Words can really change the world and evoke hope or fear but aliens usually don’t want to listen to her, not after Alura condemned them or their next-to-kin/lovers or whatever to an eternity of darkness and pain.

“I can’t do this.”

He cups her face with gentle hands while meeting blue eyes with his own. In that moment he looks like the brother Kara never had or perhaps like the family Kal-El refused to be. Barry knows how it feels to be a hero. He knows about the sacrifices and the loss that holds more heroes down as they try to do better.

“I know it sounds crazy. _ It is crazy _ but, just think about our lives. I’m a metahuman known as the Flash. You’re an alien living on Earth and we don’t even live on the same planet. Tell me which part of that is remotely not strange. It is weird and complicated although that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. We’re together in this. You called me for help and now I need you to trust me. You have to go there and do the right thing. Go there and do what you know how to do. Go back home. If everything goes well, call me when it’s over.”

A portal is opened but Kara can’t see the other side. She doesn’t need to see to know that home is waiting for her. It’s time to face whatever kind of alien is out there, ready to fight.

“The portal is completely open and ready to go, but Kara can’t see the other side. She doesn’t need to see to know that home is waiting for her. It’s time to face whatever kind of alien is out there, ready to fight.

“Go ahead. They’re waiting for you, Supergirl.”

Kara sheds her normal clothes to be left in a suit that finally feels like a second skin instead of a burden since Alex left. She’s leaving her Kara Danvers persona behind and she feels powerful even when her powers aren’t back yet.

Earth thirty-eight is waiting for its superhero and not Cat Grant’s clumsy assistant.

“When all of this is over, I’ll come back for these.”

Kara hands him her glasses with a gentle smile on her lips. That’s her promise to make it through and be back to share her success. This is a promise to herself to keep fighting against all odds and the total proof that she trusts Barry enough to confide him her secret identity.

Once he takes them, Kara hugs him tightly; unafraid of cracking his bones by accident. Being human has a few perks after all.

“Thank you, Barry.”

He returns the hug just as fiercely. His arms wrap firmly around her shoulders while they try to steal just a second from time itself. Just a second to forget about everything that’s wrong or could go that way. They're friends due to odd circumstances and yet, both of them are happy to know each other.

“One last thing,” he whispers in the middle of the hug “things are different back there. It’s probable that you go back and find yourself in the past. Except that it won't be the past anymore.”

“What? How so?”

“Cross the portal and you’ll find out.”

Without another word, Kara is jumping into the portal. Her eyes are closed because the short dimensional travel is not pleasant at all. She tries to steel herself before facing her world again and wonders, for a brief moment, what could have gone wrong in her short absence. Barry’s words still swirl in her mind as she tries to put the pieces in the right order.

Barry watches her go and sighs when the portal closes behind her. He hopes things go well for her but she’s the only one that can decide her future and change the things that shattered her life once.

“Do you think this is going to work? Messing with the timeline is not a good thing, Allen.” Cisco’s voice sounds on his earpiece. “You know this can alter her life in all the wrong ways.”

“No, not this time. I’ve been there. Actually, I visited 37 worlds and in every one, they lost each other in some way. I fixed one because it had to be done. Now they can finally be together.”

“I hope you’re right, dude.”

“Me too,” Barry whispers back.

\--------------------------------

Kara keeps her eyes closed when her feet finally meet a firm surface. She’s back on Earth 38 and all the sounds fill her ears in a second.

The constant hum of the air conditioner, the soft gasps of surprise, the alarm going off warning them of alien activity and at least ten different heartbeats tell Kara that she’s at the DEO.

It takes her a second longer to realize that her powers are back.

“How…?”She starts but can’t finish.

“Supergirl!” A voice calls her. “Where were you? We have an emergency. We have to go!”

She hears the words but Kara can’t move. Her eyes fill with tears and one of her hands covers her mouth to muffle a broken sob. Her mind blocks every sound to find that specific heartbeat and after a long second, Alex’s steady heart brings hope, joy, and love to Kara.

“Alex,” she whispers.

Her voice is soft but audible in the middle of a room that went silent at her reaction. The only other sound is the alarm in the background but she doesn’t care, she can’t do it at the moment. Kara refuses to open her eyes even when she’s surprised but oh so hopeful. She can’t control her body and turn around to meet concerned hazel eyes because this is too good to be happening. Kara is afraid that this is just a cruel joke and she’s going to wake up at any moment.

Maybe she is under the effects of the Black Mercy once again.

Maybe this is the wrong Earth.

“Let’s move! I want a team there now.” Hank orders.

There’s movement around them but Kara can barely breathe. She can hear agents leaving and moving through the DEO corridors until only Alex is there. Vasquez and Winn are close but far enough that Kara can focus solely on Alex and nothing else.

“Kara, what’s wrong?”

Alex places a gentle hand on Kara’s bicep, squeezing softly and that’s all it takes for the Alex places a gentle hand on Kara’s bicep, squeezing softly and that’s all it takes for the superhero to lose control. Alex’s warm touch is all it takes for Kara to understand Barry’s words.

Alex is fine. _ She’s alive. _

She took a trip to the past. Whatever Barry did, it changed the timeline to offer her a chance to travel through time. She’s there, back when Alex was fine and before Kara decided to visit Barry on Earth 1. 

She was never there because that moment hasn’t happened yet, just like the fight with the alien that took Alex away.

Now Kara knows what type of alien she’s going to be facing shortly.

However, before they have a chance to see said alien, Kara is turning around fast enough to create an air current around her. She wraps her arms around Alex and pulls her so close that there’s no space between them. She hugs Alex with enough force to almost crack her ribs but that doesn’t stop her from clinging to Alex’s back like a lifeline because that’s exactly what she’s to Kara.

Kara holds her close; feeling her warmth and her soft breath against her neck.

“What’s wrong?” Alex repeats even when she returns the hug with the same vehemence.

“Nothing.” Kara relaxes into the tight embrace, with Alex’s hands rubbing her back soothingly. “Not anymore. I don’t...I don’t know what I would do without you.”

In all honesty, she does. She would move forward and keep going. She would save National City with her words as Kara Danvers and with the red cape always following Supergirl. She would try to be happy, put a smile on her face until that vibrant light returned to her eyes. She would keep Alex close to her heart but letting her go at the same time, no matter how painful that was.

Being alone is scary for someone like Kara, for someone like J’onn, for individuals that are the last ones of their own races. They’re the only survivors of their own worlds. Alone in a world that is not theirs. Alone on minds that can’t be shared. Sometimes, alone in a universe that it's too cold and scary.

There are white Martians aching to kill J’onn J'onzz. There is another Kryptonian on Earth and yet, he’s still more human than Kara will ever be.

Both of them, Kara and J’onn, know loneliness better than most and they fight so hard to protect everyone around them because losing someone else would mean losing their worlds once again.

“I felt you slipping away.”

Alex pulls back from the hug just so she can look into Kara’s eyes.

“I’m not. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here and I’m not leaving you alone. Not now. Not ever.”

There’s something in Alex’s voice and the way she looks at Kara that makes Supergirl feel weak on the knees. There are so many emotions hidden behind Alex’s calm expression; worry, care, fear, _ love. _ It’s pretty much the same feelings that Kara tries to hide when Alex is hurt.

It reminds Kara of the exact moment when she felt Alex’s slipping between her fingers while her life escaped with her last breath.

“You promise?”

“I promise,” Alex answers immediately. “I’m here Kara, and I love you no matter what.”

Kara knows that things need to change because she’s not letting Alex go this time. She's not letting a change go just because she's scared. Some people are worth any risks, and Alex is one of those.

Things need to be different because they deserve to be happy without caring about the rest of the world. It might sound selfish, but it’s true. They are stronger together and yet they have hurt for so long, trying to conceal their feelings even when those shine through moments like that one.

Things need to be different because they deserve to be happy without caring about the rest of the world. It might sound selfish, but it’s true. They are stronger together and yet they have hurt for so long, trying to conceal their feelings even when those shine through moments like the one they're living on. The fit together in a way that the world never allowed them to fit. Well, Kara is tired of that.

“I love you, Alex.”

There’s a flash of pain on Alex’s face when she hears those words. There’s also guilt and a glimpse of hope that Alex won’t let herself feel.

Kara knows then. She knows what Alex is feeling and fighting so hard to ignore and Kara wishes she could stop for a second and notice that she’s not alone. Kara wonders how long that feeling has been buried in the agent’s heart but the answer is easy, as long as it has been on Kara's own heart.

They need to come clean to each other. If things don’t work out the way Kara wants them to, then they can learn and grow until they’re able to get through it. But if they are brave enough to give it a chance, it’s only fair for them to start living for themselves first and then for the rest of the world. It’s only fair to forget about prejudices and dare to take the first step in a new direction.

“Let’s go, Supergirl.”

It’s Alex who wipes away Kara's tears before strong arms wrap around her waist, silently asking permission to carry her up, up and away.

Things feel right when Alex holds tight on Kara’s neck and they fly above the city. They follow the black SUVs beneath even when Kara knows where they have to go and what they’re going to find. Still, she remains silent while Alex explains the situation.

“We have an escapee from Fort Rozz. We believe Lord experimented on him but we don’t have much information about the effects of said experiments. This thing is strong for all we know. Its files were lost when the prison crashed so that’s all we got. It shouldn’t give you a lot of trouble.”

Kara can see it from where they are, still flying but getting steadily closer to their objective. Suddenly Kara can feel a knot in her throat and panic building on her chest.

This is the same creature that took Alex away from her. This is the moment that can change the future and Kara is afraid. She can’t lose Alex again. The images of her death still haunt her mind because it happened once, she can’t let it happen a second time. Maybe the rest of the world is happily unaware of this fact, but Kara remembers everything and her heart is beating painfully in her chest.

“Can we have a movie night after this?” Kara asks trying to distract herself just enough to be able to breathe again. “You forgot your jacket at my place.”

“So there's where it is? I've been looking for it everywhere. Anyway, sure. We can have a night in. Maybe I could convince you to watch a horror movie or maybe I can get more than one potsticker this time.”

“Alex,” Kara whines at the teasing but she smiles nonetheless. Alex can have all the potstickers as long as both survive. “I’m going to need a favor for this fight. Talk to me, don’t stop until all of this is over. I know it sounds odd but I need you to do it for me. And please, stay safe.”

They land before Alex can ask. The pain on Kara’s face is enough to wash away any questions and the way the Kryptonian holds her hands against her ears, trying to block the noise, gives Alex enough knowledge to understand. The scene is way too familiar since Kara was often overwhelmed by Earth’s noise when she arrived.

_ “Do you remember the first time we went to the beach? _ ” Alex whispers.

Her warm voice pulls Kara to the present. Her breathing slows down and there’s no need to close her eyes to keep her vision in check. She can do this if Alex is with her.

This time Alex is  _ staying _ .

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Let me know what you think about this chapter and about the fact that we only have two more chapters to go.  
> Don't worry about all the unanswered questions left by the past chapter, they will be answered soon.


	8. Earth - sleeping at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Kara has a chance to change things for the better.

There’s not a lot of time for Kara to prepare when the alien is already charging at her. Its loud growl makes her wince in pain while she fights to open her eyes without looking right through at least ten buildings. It’s hard but she manages thanks to Alex.

_ “You were so scared of the sea. It was so much water in the same place and it was moving. You would squeal when it chased your feet, but you were curious and had to go back.” _

Kara zeroes into Alex’s soft voice and the steady beat of her heart. The world is not spinning so fast anymore and she feels strong even when the alien collides against her body. She slams against the side of the nearest building making the whole structure tremble upon the impact.

_ “You refused to get in because water shouldn’t move like that and sand was evil. Mom shouldn’t have let you watch as many documentaries because once you learned there were sharks and jellyfish, I thought you would faint.” _

Kara is ready when the alien charges again. This time, she doesn’t move out of its way but moves faster to meet him halfway. She hits him in the chest with all the force she can muster and that’s enough to send him flying across the street.

_ “I told you a thousand times they couldn’t hurt you. You are an alien and Earth animals weren’t able to harm you. They still can’t. I had to tell you how jellyfish weren’t common in Midvale. I showed you how sharks only attacked surfers because they thought surfers were some sort of prey due to the surfboard shape.” _

Supergirl is the one following the alien around; hitting him as hard as she can, keeping it on his knees and hearing him groan with pain and rage although the noise is muffled by Alex’s voice.

_ “That was a mistake on my part. The next day I was riding the waves, enjoying a Saturday morning like I always did and a second later you were on the shore. The water was at your waist, and you moved your arms frantically because I wasn’t any weird fish’s food. I was slightly annoyed, I remember that, but I felt something else. I was proud of you and touched by your actions even if the possibilities of facing a shark were almost nonexistent.” _

“I had to save you,” Kara answers even when Alex can’t hear her “I conquered my fears for you. I did it so many times through the years, and you were always there with me.”

Kara launches forward, taking the metallic device from the alien’s chest with a swift movement. She throws it backward, in Alex’s general direction. A second later the world returns to be what it should be for a Kryptonian and Kara makes a mistake, she relaxes for a brief moment.

Her back hits a car when her enemy punches her in return. The sound of the car alarm is loud even without the device being active. Maybe that’s the reason she can’t block it so easily. She floats several feet above the street, looking down at the alien and making him her target.

“I was afraid of water and you showed me how to swim. I was afraid of darkness, and you became my light. I was afraid of being alone and then, you became my family; my home.”

Kara uses her heat vision to destroy his armor and bare his thick skin.

The alien is scared, his eyes are wide with fear but also anger. His skin shines under the sun even when it’s black. He’s ready to attack again but there’s no way he can reach Supergirl when she’s above them all. Therefore, his next target is the small group of DEO agents taking cover behind an old truck, Alex is with them.

This moment is the chance that Kara has been waiting for. This is an opportunity to make things better, and she won’t let it go.

“I’m tired of hiding myself, Alex.”

Kara lands with purpose and strides towards the alien waiting for her before he can charge against the truck. She waits for a second longer, until he moves and his skin shifts. She’s waiting for the first arrow, so she takes it from the air with ease before using her strength to break it.

“I’m tired of hiding my anger.”

She hits the alien once more and moves her body to stay in front of Alex.

Alex is trying to get out of there, cautious of the situation but still trying to keep her team safe and trying to follow Kara’s request. She’s doing the right thing, but she’s a leader, her team goes first. She’s exposed when the next arrow leaves the alien.

Kara doesn’t think twice this time. She knows what to do, and she moves. She waits for the right moment to connect one last punch at the same time that she takes the next arrow. The pain is worse than the inflicted by Kryptonite but she holds her ground.

Her eyes burn with rage and pain, not for her wounds but for what she lost. She dares to hurt for a moment and a cascade of pain washes over her fueling her heat vision. She hurts for Krypton one last time. She hurts for her family and the shattered image she has of them now. She hurts for Kal-El. And yes, she hurts for Alex and the world she would have been forced to face if Barry hadn’t changed the timeline for her, for them.

She screams with rage and grief and all those years where she bottled up her emotions. The encounter with the Red Tornado wasn’t enough to let everything out because even then, she tried to fight her feelings. She refused to feel too much. She screams to the universe and life because she might be the girl of steel, but she’s not indestructible and she deserves happiness.

The alien falls to the ground unconscious, a loud thud echoes in the street before the DEO surrounds him with guns ready if he decides to wake up. He’s contained and Alex is safe.

However, Kara collapses too. She’s tired but not enough to close her eyes just yet. She feels pain and her lungs are burning but it’s not worse than the pain of losing Alex. The bleeding on her arm and midsection is alarming but it’s not enough to kill her. She would need to endure some more stitches, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

At least she knows how that feels and it’s way better than losing Alex.

_ “I’m tired, tired of hiding my love.”  _ She thinks.

Alex is there a second later and Kara realizes that the world has gone silent again. This time Alex is still there, cradling her face and brushing a strand of blond hair away from her face.

“I got you,” she says. “I got you, Kar.”

Supergirl nods and takes Alex’s hand with her own while a team secures the area. Then, Kara is transported back to the DEO quarters with Alex still by her side, their fingers entwined.

“I’m okay. I blew off my powers. That’s all.”

Some part of that statement is true, but it’s impossible to know if that arrow is going to change her. It was strong enough to kill Alex and no one can be sure of the effects it will have on the heroine. The damaged data says nothing about the black arrows, so Alex will run some tests while Kara can always ask Alura’s hologram for some information. Hopefully, she will have some answers.

Kara is immediately sent to the sunbed and she’s too tired to protest while Alex takes some blood. Kara is not happy when the agent leaves but lets her go with the promise of their movie night still on hold. Alex wants to make sure Kara is okay even without her powers and no one can blame her. No one really wants a repeat performance of the red kryptonite incident or something along those lines.

When she finally leaves, Kara feels like the room is too big and cold. It’s an odd feeling. She is a hero but she hasn’t felt more human in her entire existence. She’s not Kara Zor-El at the moment, carrying the weight of a long-gone world. She’s not Supergirl, even when she still wears the cape, with the responsibility of a city resting on her shoulders. This is Kara Danvers; the girl in love with silly romantic comedies and the one who wants to pet all dogs.

“How are you feeling?” Hank asks startling her.

“J’onn! I didn’t hear you enter.”

He chuckles at her reaction and gets closer to her until he’s able to lean on the bed, one of his hands resting on Kara’s shoulder. He looks like the father she lost although they look nothing alike. Still, Kara loves him deeply and he does the same. They are family; J’onn, Alex, and Kara share a special bond. They’re a space family.

“How are you feeling?” He inquires again.

“I’m fine, tired after that battle but if I fall asleep now, Alex is going to worry.”

“I bet you’re tired after your little trip to Earth one.”

That comment takes Kara by surprise. Truthfully, it wouldn’t be hard to figure it out. Barry has been at the DEO before and probably J’onn has seen a dimensional portal more than once. Still, something else catches Kara’s attention because Hank Henshaw knew her when she was lying down on the hospital bed. He was able not only to read a Kryptonian’s mind but also to introduce his own thoughts into her consciousness.

“How did you know?”

“It wasn’t hard to guess.” He replies. “Barry Allen is the only person that has crossed dimensions plenty of times and the device he uses has a singular trademark. He’s a good kid, and he’s your friend. It wouldn’t surprise me that he requires your aid from time to time.”

Kara fidgets with the sleeves of her suit without daring to look him in the eye. She doesn’t know how to approach the subject of this Hank Henshaw’s alternative version. She can’t even start to explain how he was able to read her mind so she doesn’t.

“Actually, I was the one that needed his help this time.”

“I wonder what kind of help did you need to end up in the hospital.”

This time Kara stops completely to stare at the man who swiftly transforms in front of her. J’onn J’onzz makes his appearance; his green skin is warm to the touch when he takes one of Kara’s hands with his own. He understands the many questions Kara can’t voice.

“I’ve been in this universe for too long. I’m a green martian that lost everything just to find a second chance on Earth, but this is just a world vibrating at a specific frequency. I have the ability to read other people’s minds. Telepathy. Therefore, I have the ability to join my conscious mind with every other J’onn J’onzz in every universe. I carry memories of all my lives. I know my story in at least a hundred different worlds. I can’t interact with those alternative realities; I don’t have enough power to change them in any way, but there’s no way I would be able to forget you, Supergirl.”

“How’s that possible?” Kara asks with curiosity instead of fear or anger.

Hank shrugs before patting her shoulder. There’s a smirk on his lips when he notices the glint shining in her eyes, that glint that is so similar to the one on Alex’s eyes when she discovered something new or when she gets the chance to be on the field.

“I guess it’s a Martian thing.” He winks. “We’re the bridge between worlds. The door to a greater understanding even if we’re unable to jump dimensions without the proper device.”

He’s mostly joking, and Kara is grateful for the amusement in his voice because it certainly makes her feel better. The way he can access not just his own memories in this world but also every experience in many alternative lives. It’s crazy.

Barry’s words echo in her mind. Her whole life is nothing but crazy although she is not going to question it when she has the chance to live with Alex. She’s not going to look for every tiny thing that seems odd because she would need to question her own existence to start with. She’s still curious about J’onn, about Hank and Earth one.

Sixty seconds pass where she hesitates but in the end, her curiosity wins.

“Anything else we should know about you?”

He chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief.

“That depends, which me are we talking about?”

“Tell me about Earth one Hank Henshaw. He’s a doctor!”Kara looks up at him with glee in her eyes and for a moment, he’s taken aback.“How did that happen?”

Kara looks innocent, and there’s no grief in blue eyes when she questions him. She’s just a little child waiting for a bedtime story. There are no monsters hiding in the closet or demons under the bed. She looks so much like his own girls, back on Mars, that it’s impossible not to feel melancholic. This is his new life and as much as he didn’t want to; Kara is his family.

Then, Alex enters the room to sit next to Kara and his heart breaks a little but beats stronger at the same time. Both girls are his girls now.

“Alex!” Kara calls excitedly. “What did you find?”

“Your blood is clean. Nothing seems out of place and hopefully, your powers will return soon.”

Kara nods offering a smile that is as bright as the sun. She’s not worried about her powers because even if they don’t come back, that would be a small price to pay for saving Alex. Kara is used to sacrificing a part of herself if it’s for the greater good and keeping Alex alive is all that matters.

It would be easier to adapt to this world without her powers than doing so without Alex.

“We can ask my mother later. Maybe she knows something about the alien. You know, just to be sure that I’m not going to turn into something else.”

It’s impossible not to notice the way they react to each other. Both are made of steel and yet they melt when the other is around.

Hank can see how Kara moves until she’s sitting on the edge of the sunbed instead of laying down because that way she can pull Alex closer and rest her head on Alex’s shoulder. He notices how Alex responds automatically wrapping her arms around Kara, rubbing her back soothingly and leaving a soft kiss on top of her head.

“That sounds good. Maybe we can pay her a visit on our way out. You still need a couple more hours under the sunlamps. I’m sure that will help you feel better, powers or not.”

“Alex!” Kara whines with her bottom lip already sticking out in a pout.

“No, don’t even try it. The puppy eyes won’t work on me this time.”

Those words cause the Kryptonian to chuckle. Her fingers find Alex’s sides, poking playfully just to receive a warning glare in return that makes her kiss Alex’s cheek.

“You know they work every time.”

“I guess I should give you two some time alone. You had a long day.”Hank says while pulling away from the bed.

“Hey!” Kara protests. “You have yet to tell me about Doctor Henshaw.”

“Doctor Henshaw?” Alex questions looking back and forth between Kara and J’onn.

“He’s a director too!” Kara explains. “Hank Henshaw is the hospital director on Earth one.”

“Interesting.”

Alex looks at Hank with curiosity in her eyes trying to picture him working as something different from a DEO agent. She can’t imagine him wearing a white robe and wearing a stethoscope around his neck.

“Things are different on Earth one, cities, people, even life. Hank Henshaw didn’t exist before J’onn J’onzz arrived to Earth. Mars is still alive; green and white Martians found a way to coöperate. J’onn was an explorer and when Mars wasn’t enough, he had to explore other worlds, Krypton is one of those worlds. Later on, Earth became his home and he uses his abilities to help others.”

“That’s how he read my mind, right? I thought you were unable to do it.”

Hank stays silent for an instant because Kara’s right. There are no Kryptonians on Earth one, therefore, it’s impossible to know what caused Kara’s solar flare. He remembers her wounds but it’s hard to access to those memories through the knowledge of his other life. He remembers vague things, too far away to grasp them clearly or comprehend them.

“Things are different there. It’s possible that he was able to train his abilities to limits I never tried to reach due to White Martians. He could be strong enough to read your mind, at least when you’re in a vulnerable state.

“What does that mean? Were you hurt?”

Alex worries immediately and she pulls away from Kara, enough to stare into blue eyes and search for answers that aren’t there.Gentle hands cup Kara’s face while the alien wraps her fingers around Alex’s wrists trying to ease her worry with soothing circles.

“Nothing bad, I promise. Barry had a plan and here we are now. It’s okay. I’m okay.”

Those words aren’t enough to please Alex, but she’s happy to hold Kara even closer before kissing her cheek continuously until the blonde erupts in a fit of giggles.

“Next time I’m going with you.”

There’s a quick flash of something on Kara’s face. It looks like a deep grief that lets J’onn understand part of what happened. He can’t remember the exact point when Kara left their world to go with Barry. It would be easy to dismiss the thought. Hank simply wasn’t around when it happened. But the truth is that the timeline was altered and Kara hasn’t made the interdimensional trip yet. She went to the past to change things and hopefully whatever she did, worked.

Kara wraps her arms around Alex hiding her face on her neck. There’s no risk to hug her too tight when she’s human. She holds her as hard as she can and yet is not that strong to human standards. Her body is weak, tired, and she needs to sleep but Kara stays there a little longer.

“Of course.”

“What were you doing on Earth one anyway?”

“Looking for some courage.”

Alex hums while playing with tresses of blonde hair. There’s some comfortable silence until Kara starts dozing off in the safety of Alex’s arms. They are a space family; a human, a Kryptonian and a martian but they accepted each other the way they are. Without a doubt, they’re stronger together. It doesn’t matter what the world could think about them, that’s the truth.

“Get some rest, Kar. I’ll be back in a couple of hours, so we can go home.”

Kara wants to protest but her body feels too tired to argue. Instead, she lies down and sighs when the artificial sunlight hits her skin. If she’s going to recover her powers, she needs some serious rest and more than a little sunlight.

“Go ahead, Alex. Finish everything you need to do. I’ll make the report this time but don’t get used to it. You two deserve to get home early after such a long there. If you don’t mind, there’s one more thing I need to talk about with Supergirl. It’ll only take a minute. Then, I’ll make sure she gets some sleep.”

Those words are ominous and make Alex hesitate but J’onn is still her boss and she can’t really fight him. She has defied his orders before but the inflection in his voice leaves no room to do anything else than nod and accept the dismissal. He doesn’t want to make it an order but he will if Alex decides to fight him.

In the end, she leaves the room after sending another glance Kara’s way. The sooner she’s done with the paperwork she needs to do, the sooner they’ll make it home.

“J’onn?” Kara calls him once Alex is no longer there.

“Yes?”

“Can you tell me about Earth one Alex? Do you think she’s happier without me?”

_ “No. _ ” He answers immediately.

“But things would be so different,” Kara argues with her crinkle already showing on her forehead.“Without Kal, the Danvers probably followed another path. I saw Eliza in the hospital so I’m sure that they would have pursuit medicine but without the alien physiology. Without me, Alex wouldn’t have the responsibility of looking after a clumsy alien all the time. She could be able to enjoy her friends and be popular at school. Her relationship with Eliza looked less strained. Her life looked better without me there to ruin everything.”

“It’s not.”

It’s hard for Kara to believe it after the things she saw there. However, she looks up at J’onn and begs him with her eyes to continue. She needs the comfort of knowing that she didn’t cause unnecessary pain to Alex. It won’t change their past, but at least Kara can stop blaming herself.

“There are things that haven’t changed on Earth one. Alex is the only child of Eliza and Jeremiah like she was here before you entered her life. Alex always wanted a puppy, I’m sure you know this, but she never got one and Eliza pushed the subject away by guilting Alex into taking care of you.There, that didn’t really change. Alex never got a puppy because she wasn’t ready for it no matter how responsible she was.” J’onn pauses just for a moment to gather his thoughts.“Eliza always compared her to you. You were the perfect daughter but without you, Eliza compared her to others. She compared her to her friends and popular kids. No matter how hard Alex tried, it wasn’t enough.”

“I never understood that. Alex was doing so well. She had high grades and was involved in many clubs. She was perfect and everything I wanted to be.”

“Eliza had the idea; she still has, that comparing Alex to others would push her forward. It worked for some time. It worked until Alex couldn’t offer more. It worked until Alex reached her breaking point. Eliza pushed and pushed until she let her own daughter fall into an abyss of depression and abuse. Here, her actions took Alex to find solace in alcohol and to spend a night in jail. I found her there and gave her a chance to start all over again at the DEO.”

“I didn’t...” Kara starts.

“You  _ shouldn’t _ .” Hank counters. “Alex crumbled under pressure but she wanted to protect you. I offered her a job because I promised Jeremiah that I would care for both of you. She earned her place here and so did you. You were starting to fly on your own and she refused to hold you down. She lost herself back then and yet, she would do anything for you.”

“I could have been there for her.”

“You’re here for her now.” He answers softly. “On Earth one, Alex crumbled under the same pressure but the result of that was certainly different from a night in jail. She had a car accident. She spent a week in the hospital. When she arrived Hank found her bleeding, crying and begging him to not notify her parents because she didn’t want them to be angry or disappointed again. She was terrified of her own mother, but she was too young to be responsible for her own well being. He had to tell Jeremiah and Eliza. J’onn J’onzz had a few words with them before they could lash out at Alex. It wasn’t easy but it was a waking up call.”

J’onn crosses his arms upon his chest, trying to pull together memories that aren’t entirely his.

“Alex was a lost, scared child with or without you. Your presence helped her through the worst parts of her break down and every single time she was at the bottom, she kept fighting for you. She trained with me for months. Let me tell you something, every time she fell, every time her back hit the floor and every time she was about to pass out with exhaustion, she would stand up on her feet again because of you. Her need to protect you doesn’t come from Eliza. It is born from the love she holds in her heart for you. That’s what makes her so strong.”

Kara stays silent, trying to process all the new information. Her heart swells with affection because it seems that they bring the best in each other. When Kara feels like giving up, Alex is there to guide her through the darkness and give her more strength than what the yellow Sun ever could. Certainly, Kara holds a soft spot for Alex, but she’s not her Kryptonite. Alex is her light.

“You know, Kara Zor-El doesn’t exist in that universe. Krypton lives. Kal-El is the only heir of the house of El. He was surprised at first until he found her soul; your soul. There’s someone that looks similar to you although with a few clear differences. The most important: she’s human. She was born in Kansas and lives by the name of Marley Kent.”

“Kent? Like Clark Kent?”

“Indeed. Martha and John Kent are her parents. She’s a human without a single trouble adapting to the world. Maybe sports aren’t her strong suit although she’s smart, determined and a reporter. Above all that is the fact that after a multi-car pile up, Alex saved her and in return, she saved Alex in every way she needed to be saved.”

“What? Wait a minute...”Kara gasps softly when the realization hits her,“Alex’s girlfriend.”

“They found their way to each other,” Hank nods.“By the day, I assume, they’re a month short of their third anniversary as a couple. No matter what the odds are, it seems like they are always  _ stronger together _ . Maybe they don’t know a thing about Krypton but the House of El is still with them.”

“They found each other.” She whispers with disbelief in her voice.

“Perhaps Kara Danvers is not there under the same name or circumstances but your soul is tied to Alex’s. I have the feeling that you’ll always find each other because her life is not better without you. You’re the piece she’s always missing.”

J’onn winks at her, trying to encourage her to take that final step. He’s been there with them, watching their story unfold over and over. He has seen them fall in love at least a hundred times but Earth 38 is the most complicated challenge they will face. Things won’t be easy under the circumstances they’ve been forced to endure but in the end, love always win.

“You went looking for some courage on Earth one. If you found it, now would be the right time to use it. If Marley Kent can be happy with Alex Danvers, why can’t you?”

“I’ll try. Thank you for telling me all of this, J’onn.”

The martian only nods before patting her shoulder and leaving the room.

Kara has a lot to think about. She doesn’t want to sleep but her body is too tired to keep thinking. Her eyelids close, and the warm light of the sunbed lulls her to sleep. It sucks to be human and yet she treasures those moments where she doesn’t have to worry about her powers. It takes her just a couple of minutes to fall asleep with the promise of a better day and the excitement of knowing that not everything is lost. Maybe she has a chance with Alex.

Two hours later she wakes up with gentle fingers caressing her face and a hand holding one of hers. Her senses come back slowly, drowsiness clinging to her mind, but she’s able to make out Alex’s figure after a few seconds. The sunlamps make Alex glow and Kara wonders if she’s some sort of deity. She could be Aphrodite for all Kara knows.

“Hi!” Kara greets with a hoarse voice and puppy eyes.

“Hey, Kar. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

There’s guilt in Alex’s eyes but Kara smiles brightly and such a dark feeling fades away from the agent’s gaze when that smile brightens the room more than the sunlamps do.

It’s clear that Alex worries, it’s obvious how much she cares because even when Kara’s blood is clean of any virus or alien contaminated cells that don’t belong solely to Kara, Alex knows that there could be secondary effects. At least, Alex can’t be sure there won’t be and that’s enough to put her on edge.

“Don’t worry,” Kara answers without being sure if she’s talking about Alex waking her up, making her wait or if she’s just trying to make Alex feel better about the whole situation.“Are we ready to go home? I really want to collapse on the couch with you.”

“We’re almost done here. We should talk with Alura and see if she can give us some information. Fort Rozz’s database wasn’t helpful at all so we’re not sure if those arrows are part of him or were created by Lord Technologies. Anyway, a team will bring Lord here tomorrow to get some answers. We don’t expect much from him but we’ll see how that works.”

“Let’s go then. I’m starving!”Kara declares.

“You’re  _ always _ starving. Come on, let’s get out of here so we can grab pizza and potstickers.”

“Can we watch a movie too?”

“I thought that was usually what people do in movie nights.” Alex teases.

“Oh, right! Can we watch the Lion King or would you prefer Lilo&Stitch?”

“I was thinking about watching  _ Jaws _ .”

“You’re so mean!”

Kara pouts and the sight makes Alex laugh softly before kissing Kara’s cheek.

“Come on. Let’s go home, Supergirl.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left, guys! I hope you're ready.


	9. Unconditionally.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one chapter you've been waiting since this story began. The second chance. I promised y'all this was angst with a happy ending and this, well...this is the ending.

There’s a smile on Kara’s face after she takes another bite of her favorite ice cream.

The Lion King is about to end and for the first time in years, she didn’t cry. There’s a simple reason for that since more often than not she would look away from the screen to find Alex. She had to make sure everything was real; from the beauty of Alex’s smile to the auburn hair that looked barely red in the dimly lit room. Hazel eyes were fixed on the movie so Kara was able to be sneaky and just look at Alex as much as she wanted.

They switch ice-cream cartons one more time like they usually did and yet, it was all so different. Sure, it seems like just a movie night although it means a lot more to Kara.

Even the ice cream tastes better when it isn't melted.Of course, Kara has a strong suspicion that Alex’s company makes all the difference. Sharing it with J’onn wasn’t completely awful, but next time Kara will be sure to have some chocolate ice cream with him and for Alex to be alive.

“Alex-” Kara whines softly “I’m cold.”

Her powers aren’t back yet, but she isn’t worried about that. Not after Alura gave them some useful information about the alien and those arrows. For the time being all she can do is spend some more time soaking sunlight. Like a plant; Alex would say. Or try to find a way to get an adrenaline rush. Sadly, going on a few rides in the amusement park won’t be enough.

The arrows aren’t part of Lord industries so they aren’t a proof that can keep Maxwell behind bars for long. Even when the DEO is inspecting the overload device, he will surely find a way to avoid the consequences.

However, Alura told them that the alien belonged to a rare species known for creating a powerful venom capable of paralyzing most of their enemies so they can either run away or get an advantage over those enemies they aren’t able to take down in a fair match.

The venom fades away quickly, and it’s metabolized even faster by a Kryptonian’s body under a yellow sun. However, the initial shock is strong enough to cause a solar flare. In Alex’s case, the venom is strong enough to kill her.

It’s not like Kara cares a lot about being vulnerable if it meant saving Alex. It’s not like she cares about the weather when she can curl into Alex’s side and relax in the agent’s embrace.

“Then stop eating ice cream.”

Alex barely smirks around her spoon as she takes the ice cream pint from Kara’s hands to get the last of brownie bits. When Kara doesn’t protest, she knows that her actions were expected and Kara saved the last bite for her. Although it’s something endearing and Alex really appreciates it, it’s something that _ never ever _ happens.

They always share food. As much as the Kryptonian is willing to actually share, but they have a system in place since they grew closer. The last slice of pizza, the last potsticker, and the last ice cream spoon are always Kara’s. For her part, Alex can have the first of everything although she likes giving the best parts of any food to her alien sister.

“Are you okay?” Alex asks once the carton is empty and left on the coffee table.

“No,” Kara replies shortly before elaborating two seconds later “I’m cold.” She repeats.

The weather is not bad at all although it rarely is in National City. The soft throw they always use is already over their laps, so it’s only natural that Alex worries. Kara is slightly cold when Alex presses the back of her hand against her forehead. After a few seconds, she realizes that for someone used to run hotter than a normal human; the room temperature can be a little low.

“Come here then. We can cuddle.”

Once again, this is something they do all the time. However, Kara can’t help the little flip her heart does when Alex opens her arms for her. This is different, it feels like it.

She wastes no time in taking the offer as she sinks comfortably into Alex’s embrace.

There’s something so natural about this moment and yet, so foreign.

Alex has been Kara’s protector for years.Now, even when Supergirl was reminded in the cruelest of ways that Alex is not invulnerable, she feels safe in that embrace. When she hides her face in Alex’s neck and takes a deep breath, the world fades around them. Alex feels like home and her warmth reassures Kara in a way that Rao’s light was never able to. Blue eyes close, and Kara takes in the sweet smell of vanilla and cinnamon, with a side of gun oil and clean sweat, and she knows this is home. Alex smells like home even when it’s nothing like crisp air or Krypton’s soil.

“Alex?” Kara calls with a million words on the tip of her tongue that she can’t actually voice.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to spend the night?”

Perhaps it’s a safe question, but it’s way better than spilling the words that she’s not ready to say.The prospect of losing Alex is scary, even if Kara is not scared of her feelings anymore.

She’s afraid of waking up back in the hospital on Earth 1. She’s afraid that once Alex walks out of her place, she’s not going to be able to see Alex ever again.

As much as Kara is trying to control those dark emotions, she knows she needs to cling to Alex for a little longer. At least until she’s completely sure this is real. She doesn’t want to believe in a fantasy if it’s going to be ripped away from her hands when the night is over.She doesn’t want to wake up from this fantasy, even if it’s just a Black Mercy, to realize she lost everything again.

Losing Krypton was hard and yet, Kara started moving forward.

It took her a long time to accept the loss.She didn’t lose just a thing and the concept of _ her whole world _ seems like something too big, except that it is. She lost her family and friends. She lost her home and her culture.She lost her language and everything she once dreamed to be. But then, then she found Alex. She found hope and a new beginning.

If someone asked her, Supergirl would say it still hurts. And it does.

However, if someone asked J’onn about his wife and daughters, he would say it hurts as well and he has spent way longer on Earth than Kara. It’s a pain that never leaves, but it’s that kind of sorrow that makes you stronger instead of weak.

So when Kara feels lonely on a planet that is unable to understand her mother language, she looks up at the sky and in the darkness between stars, she imagines Rao’s light. She thinks about those close to her and the freedom they achieved with their God. And when she prays for Rao to give her a signal; something she can hold on and be strong, she finds its light on Alex’s hair. She finds its warmth in Alex’s embrace, and her faith comes back with Alex’s sweet love.

Losing Alex once was harder than losing Krypton. Losing Alex was losing faith and hope and light. It was losing a part of herself but then again, Kara found a tiny piece of that on Earth one. Something to keep going, to remember those bright moments, and to keep the darkness at bay.

This movie night is more than what Kara could have asked for. Losing Alex when Kara is so close to resignation, it’s more than what she could handle at the moment.

“Sure,” Alex answers breaking the turmoil in Kara’s mind, “Are you tired? We can move to the bed if you want. Or we can watch another movie.”

Certainly, Kara is exhausted. With jumping back and forth in time, she’s not sure how long this day has been. She’s nervous too. Nervous enough to make her uncomfortable and unable to sleep it off. She’s overthinking, and the buzz on her head makes her feel the need to throw up. For a brief moment, she wonders if this is how Alex feels when she’s drunk. Kara didn’t even get the chance to feel the alcohol burning down her throat.

Instead of that, she can feel the words crashing together, lodging her throat and making it hard to breathe. She needs to confess, to speak the words of truth that had tortured her for years now. She has to be brave because there’s no way she can take back the words she never said. If this is just a dream after all, Alex has to  _ know _ .

“I would love watching another movie, but I’m afraid that if we do; I’m going to fall asleep at some point. And, well, there’s something I have to tell you first.”

“What’s going on? You can tell me anything, Kar. You know that.”

Alex is pure strength and sharp edges when she’s on the field fighting aliens. She is a wise soldier when the occasion arises. She knows how to be resourceful and a great leader. Alex can be cold and detached if she needs to. She can be stoic enough to fool a lie detector. That's why she's such a great agent.

The DEO needs that kind of people; those who are tough but gain sympathy because they inspire others to follow.

However, as hard as Alex is on the field, she melts when Kara is around.

That’s when Alex drops every façade and turns into soft hazel eyes filled with so much love and admiration. She turns into gentle fingers running up and down Kara’s spine before tangling themselves in blonde tresses until Kara is practically purring. Alex dissolves into loving words muttered in the middle of the night to soothe nightmares or offer comfort and strength in the middle of a fight.

When Alex is with Kara, she’s all about playful smirks and content hums while they look up at the stars. There’s no one around them, the world disappears, and Alex is free.

They’ve always found their liberation while being together.

Love is a bizarre concept for Kara after all she’s been through.

Her parents loved her and they sent her away with a cloud of lies tainting their memories. They kept so many secrets trying to protect her because they loved her. Yet, every secret has come back to hurt Kara in ways no one could have imagined. Those lies made Kara’s new world crumble until the only real thing Kara was able to hold onto; was Alex’s presence.

Kal loved her; he still does, but he refused to stay in her life when she needed him the most.

Winn loved her in a way she wasn’t able to reciprocate. She felt guilty about it because there was no apparent reason for her to not love him back. Society would be too quick blaming her, making Winn the victim and he would probably let it happen. He wouldn’t realize that when you truly love someone, you respect their decisions even when it hurts.

James loved her although he loved Lucy too.In the end, he ended up hurting both and Kara wonders if he loved Superman even more.

Eliza loves her daughter, that much is undeniable, and yet she pushed so hard in at least two earths that Alex broke down. Eliza pushed so hard that the scars of her words still shine on pale skin under the moonlight.

Kara is unsure of the meaning of love. But she knows that the feeling on her chest keeps growing every time she looks at Alex and she longs for more. She longs for everything Alex has. No, she longs for everything Alex  _ is _ .

Honestly, Kara would do anything;  _ give everything _ , for Alex.

Kara would do anything to make Alex laugh until her eyes shine in that joyful way that reminds Kara of sunny days at the beach and Christmas mornings. She wishes to be one of the many reasons for Alex’s happiness and she wants to spend every day of her life with Alex.

“When Kal took me to your house, the Danvers house, I was completely lost. Twenty-four years had passed since my planet exploded. Twenty-four years since the last time I saw my parents and the wound was still so fresh and raw. The pain was so overwhelming, and I believed that Kal El would make things better somehow. It hurt even more when my own blood turned around and left me in a darkness that I can only compare to the Phantom Zone.”

The knot is back on Kara’s throat, but she forces the words out. There are many things she never acknowledged before, and many things she never dared to admit through the years.

“You don’t have to say it,” Alex intercedes softly as her arms tighten around Kara “I know.”

Except that Alex doesn’t know the whole truth.

Alex doesn’t know that the blonde is taking Cat’s advice about moving forward, taking greater risks and just diving into the unknown to be more than what she thought she could be.

Kara is demanding the world to listen.

Sure thing; it won’t stop spinning. Kara can’t make it go back, but she’s fighting for the things she wants. Actually, it’s more for the things she  _ needs _ . And the truth is: she needs Alex more than the air she breathes. She needs Alex more than she needs Supergirl. She needs Alex because she feels more like home than Krypton ever did.

No, Kara never imagined she could feel like that, but in the end; she finally feels like she belongs somewhere and that place is not Earth.She belongs in Alex’s arms.

So, she’s pleading the universe for forgiveness for all the things she did wrong in her life. And she pleads for a chance to be happy  _ with _ Alex.

“You have found me many times since I got here.” Kara whispers against Alex’s neck “You found me hiding under the bed when Earth was too much for my Kryptonian senses. You found me when I was Kara Zor-El and not Danvers, a little too alien to be normal.”

There’s a pause then, a moment of silence as Kara rests her head on Alex’s chest to hear the rhythmic sound of her heart. Still strong and soothing.  _ Still there _ .

“You found me beneath the table when the popcorn machine brought memories that were too loud even if there was no sound in space. It brought memories that were too painful to face alone. You found me under the benches in my first week at school because I didn’t want to mess up again. You told me a hundred times that I had to act normal, but no matter how hard I tried the other kids called me a freak. I wasn’t even sure about what was normal anymore.”

“Kara, I’m so sorry...”

“Don’t be,” Blue eyes meet hazel and there’s no pain left about those memories. There's no anger, and Kara is certainly not trying to put the blame on Alex’s shoulders, “That was forgiven a lifetime ago, and it’s so not the point. The point is that you found me again when I was lost in National City. You offered me a place to stay and when I was ready, you moved on and gave me your place. Even after I became Supergirl, you found me and decided to stay. You’ve been there for me whenever I needed you. You’ve helped me through the hardest parts of my life...”

“I would do anything for you,” Alex declares with so much devotion that it makes Kara shudder “I love you.”

They’re so close already that it would be easy to erase the gap between them with the softest of kisses, but Kara is not done yet. She has to say it all, put the cards on the table just in case this is the end. She needs to say every word because this might be her only chance if this is just a dream; a perfect fantasy. Or maybe she just needs to say it because she feels like staying silent any longer is going to kill her.

Either way, if this is the beginning or the end, Alex deserves the truth.

The truth is that Kara is madly in love with her.

“You found me so many times, but I also found myself in you. When you took me out from under the bed, I understood that no matter how difficult things were at the moment; I had found another home. This world was still foreign and intimidating, but I was safe  _ with you _ .”

Then Kara offers her one of those smiles that are only meant for Alex and  _ damn… _

_ Alex is screwed. _

“When you turned off the popcorn machine and joined me beneath the table to share a tub of ice cream, I learned that I would heal at some point. No, the yellow Sun wasn’t able to cure my heartbreak, but I would be able to keep going. You taught me that. Sometimes the scariest things in life are worth a try, and popcorn wasn’t half bad.”

A smile plays on their lips at the memories. Things weren’t exactly better back then even when their days were filled with first experiences. Kara had to learn everything about a new world. Food was her second favorite thing. Like some people would say; some things never change.

Alex is still at the top of her list.

“You apologized to me at least twenty times that day under the benches and then went to fight those guys even if you got in trouble. That’s the reason I learned humans are faulted and no one is perfect. I learned that making mistakes was normal and I would be okay if I broke a couple of doorknobs because I was learning to measure my strength. I didn’t break a third one. I mean, I had to learn after I trapped you in the bathroom when I entered without knocking and closed the door too fast to be careful of my strength.”

There’s laughter filling the room because Alex can’t hold it back at the moment. She laughs at the memory of her own embarrassment and the shouts to the air about  _ “impolite Kryptonians and the lack of general manners.” _ Alex remembers Kara’s young face; surprised at finding the older Danvers girl almost naked and skin wet, before a furious blush took over her face.

“Alex-” Kara whines again because she’s trying to be serious although she’s smiling too.

“I’m sorry,” Alex says once she’s able to control her laughter.

“I came to National City,” the blonde continues, “and you showed me the way through the complicated streets and daily traffic. You also taught me how to fly on my own. With you, I realized I wasn’t alone. My life back on Krypton; my house and crest, everything I was taught...it was still true here. I shouldn’t be ashamed of asking for help. Alex, you’re the reason why I believe so firmly in  _ “Stronger Together. _ ”When I discovered the truth about my parents and all the things they did and didn’t. After I learned the truth about Astra. After Kal El sent me away...I didn’t have a reason to believe in my house. But you make me believe in it now.”

There are many things Alex wishes she could express at the moment but she has never been good with words. She’s good with her first and holding a gun, firing, and meeting every mark. Sadly, those abilities aren’t good enough to express feelings. They’re good to keep her alive.

Alex is good drinking tequila shots until her head is buzzing. She’s good swallowing scotch and enjoys the burn of it as it goes down with all the feelings she has tried so hard to deny.

Then Kara looks at her like  _ that _ ; like she’s her entire world and all the demons disappear. All the ghosts of failure and disappointment are gone, and Alex is there; bare and vulnerable. Her feelings are honest and clear in her eyes for Kara to read them if she wants.

“I became Supergirl without realizing all the things I was able to do. Sure, I knew about my abilities after watching Superman but I didn’t truly know. Everything I am, cape or not, it's thanks to you.You taught me more than how to be “normal.” We know I’m not; I can’t be. But you were the one telling me that being different was okay, and thanks to you I found a way to be the best version of myself.”

“Kara...”

A slender finger is placed on Alex’s lips, stopping any words that could be spoken.

“You were the one that taught me how to fight, how to control not only my powers but my senses. You were the one guiding me to my own light and the one that showed me that I should never lose hope because that’s what drives us forward. You taught me how to be a hero.”

“No, you’ve always been one.”

Kara takes a moment to clear her mind because it’s too easy to get lost in Alex’s eyes. It’s too easy to get lost in that soft voice offering reassurance even when Kara can’t take it. It’s too easy to fall back into the swirl of emotions that Kara can’t escape just as it was easy to fall in love with Alexandra Danvers.

“You’re the one that taught me how to be a better person even in my darkest days. You saved me and you keep doing so every day.”

“I...I’ve been afraid of losing you so many times, and this is one of them.”

There’s a lot of fear about reading wrong every signal and risk with all with a misstep. However, there are also hope and courage. Kara would regret waking up one day and realize that she never did the things she wanted to do or kiss the girls she wanted to kiss. 

“You’re not going to lose me, I promise.”

It’s easy to believe that when they have defeated so many obstacles. Even death. They’re stronger together and Kara knows,  _ she feels _ , how true those words are.

It’s hard to say those three words and make them mean more than what they usually do.

They are used to say “I love you” more than often and those words hurt because they don’t mean what they should. Now, Kara doesn’t know how to express the depth of her feelings even when she’s fluent in at least seven different languages. 

With a swift movement, Alex brushes a strand of blonde hair from Kara’s face and offers a smile. Maybe it’s just to convince Kara that everything is alright and she’s not going anywhere. Perhaps it has more to do with the fact that Alex knows what’s going on. However, she doesn’t know how to express her own feelings even when her heart is beating madly.

Thankfully, Supergirl doesn’t have her powers back just yet.

“No, no. Alex, you don’t understand,”Blue eyes fill with tears born from frustration, “You’re all I have left in this world or any other! With every new experience, with every little moment shared something changed within me. I didn’t realize it until it was too late because I refused to acknowledge the feeling. I thought that if I just ignored it, it would go away. I was so scared, but I’m not scared anymore. The truth is that I...Alex, I...”

_ Screw words. _

Alex doesn’t need them as she pulls Kara closer until their noses bump slightly. Then she leans up, just enough that her next “simple” words caress plump lips.

“I love you,” Alex whispers.

This time Kara  _ knows. _

She understands the real meaning of those words because there’s no regret behind hazel eyes. There’s no glimpse of pain in that sentence and she can feel how all those years of longing dissipate into a present filled with happiness and joy.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when everything started, or even how, but they’re ready to start a new life. They’re ready to write the next chapter on the story of their lives, and they won’t allow anyone to write their roles for them again.

They tried to fight against this feeling, to pull away until they were torn to pieces and the only thing that can fix them is this. Only together they can soar.

Words fail Kara although she doesn’t really care when she can close the gap between their lips and finally surrender to the pull taking her home.

This is their first kiss, and it’s backed up by many years of pain, anger, shame, and guilt, but also by happiness, excitement, love, and forgiveness.

It’s an intimate gesture that feels gentle yet electrifying at the same time. It gives them a chance to be free although their true freedom comes in the possibility of loving each other in the way they want to. 

There’s no need to keep running from their past when they’re free to follow what they want. Just like Alex chases Kara’s lips when she tries to pull back.

If someone were to look at their story, it would seem almost impossible that they were meant to be. Born on different planets and different times and yet, they defied the universe and found a way to be together. Two bodies and two different species sharing a soul.

It’s still amazing when their lips move in sync and their hearts beat in unison. Even then, it’s not really a surprise because they always know what the other needs the most.

Hands bury themselves in blonde hair until their bodies are flush against each other in the limited space of the couch. They burn and melt until they become one, maybe they were only trying to find their way back together. They’re like a phoenix surging from the darkness as they fall even deeper in love. They born again when Alex parts her lips and Kara claims her with a passion hotter than the flames.

But this time they aren’t falling.

They rise.

They rise from the heartache and pain. They rise as does their breathing as they cling to each other, with desperate hands and eager lips. They cling to the only thing that makes sense when the world collapses around them with all its prejudices and the labels forced upon them.

Some would think they’re opposites; like day and night.

However, Kara is the only one that has seen the sunrise from Alex’s smile. She’s the only one that follows the beacon of light in Alex’s voice guiding her to where she belongs.

Alex has seen the darkest parts of the girl made of steel and sunshine. She has seen the nightmares and cruelty of a world eager to taint hope and turn it into arrogance. She has seen the dark claws of Earth gnawing on the red cape and making Kara fall into the shadows of hopelessness.

They don’t particularly believe in luck, but destiny is a different story.

And they are writing their own.

Time is nothing but a perception because this moment is lost in the middle of eternity, so brief and yet everlasting for them once they finally part.

“I love you,” Kara whispers “I love you so much.”

Their happiness burst out with soft laughter and blinding smiles. Perhaps tomorrow they will have to face the world, but it has always been like that. As long as they’re together, nothing can defeat them. Not again. Not anymore.

“We’re gonna make it, right?”

“Yes.”

There’s no hesitation in the reply and no doubt beyond that.

“El Mayarah.”

The natural way those words fall from Alex’s lips make something shift inside of Kara. Her heart is not solely hers and it beats with Alex’s. She knows this is the right thing to do because she hasn’t been this happy before. No matter how hard the road ahead is, they can do this. No matter what is waiting around the corner, they deserved more than what they had before.

It’s quite funny how Kara thought she had lost it all after losing Krypton and the house of El.

Sure, Alex is not her house.  _ She’s her home _ .

“There’s something I want you to have.”

It’s almost a practiced movement, hands go to the necklace that once belonged to Alura In-Ze. It’s the same necklace that belonged to Kara’s grandmother and the line that goes so back in time to the origins of Krypton. With a swift movement, it’s no longer around Kara’s neck. Instead, it’s offered to Alex with a smile that talks only about bliss and makes them forgets about pain.

“What are you doing? This is the last piece you have from your home.”

“Not anymore.”

Truth be told, Kara won’t ever be able to find the same metal her necklace is made from. She won’t find the little precious gem because it’s certainly not from this world. None of that matters when Kara is able to find the strength she needs in Alex. She believes that one day, she will join her family under Rao’s light.

For the time being, her world lives in Alex with the temperance Kara won’t be able to find anywhere or in anyone else.

Accepting the gift is like taking the promise of forever to heart.

Alex bonded her life to Kara years ago. She was willing to give everything to and for Kara, from her time to her life. Of course, it wasn’t like that at the beginning and yet, Kara found a way to sneak her way into Alex’s heart. Warm smiles, and that damn pout Alex can’t resist even now, were more than enough.

Saving Kara is easy.

Alex would get into a million fights to protect her from the mean guys at school or aliens that think they are worthy enough to face Supergirl. Saving her from the popcorn machine was just the beginning and Alex will always find a way to keep her alien safe.

There are things hidden behind that exchange, things that Alex doesn’t know and Kara doesn’t realize just yet; like the fact that Alex would have been a particularly honored member of the house of El. If they were married on Krypton, that’s it.

She’s strong-willed, smart and followed the path of science just like Zor-El did. She’s gentle and fair like Alura, even if sometimes Alex allows her feelings to get the best of her while facing Maxwell Lord or some rogue alien. Perhaps that’s not that bad when rationality took Krypton to its destruction. Alex is also strong, a leader and fights with the heart of a warrior, like Astra did.

She’s the perfect embodiment of all the things Kara used to love and admire in her family.

The strong resemblance between those two sides is not the reason for Kara’s love.

When Alex is around, Kara doesn’t see Krypton. That’s exactly  _ why _ she loves her.

There’s no need to dwell in the past or all the pain when she can smile and be happy instead.

Their next kiss is softer, almost like a secret exchanged without words. It’s something that belongs just to them, and their only witness is the starry night.

Their love is unconditional and each kiss is filled with hope for a new day. They merge into a soft dance of lips against lips and muffled moans. It feels like they’re floating as they move around and Alex is on top. They are weightless as they clash with each other, the fire within them shifting into some heavier, needier and desperate. Like the low rumble of a volcano about to erupt.

Alex’s pained groan breaks the tension. Both of them open their eyes just to find themselves in a very awkward situation as they are floating several feet above the couch. Alex’s back hit the  _ ceiling _ unexpectedly and yet when they realize exactly what’s going on, they laugh.

“Your powers...” Alex starts but there’s no need to state the obvious.

Everything is going to be alright, there’s no doubt about that now.

The pieces have fallen into place and if they’ve found their way to each other in at least two earths; two different worlds, they will do it in at least a hundred more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter. And if you're here, it meant that you went through all the pain and angst. So thank you, for being strong enough and I hope that this chapter was worth the wait.
> 
> Pieces is the beginning of a journey for me. Like some of you have noticed, this belongs to a collection called "A hundred lives". And my goal is to add as much to this fandom (and certainly to this ship) as I can. I want to explore the many ways this ship can happen. Some ideas will turn into multi-chapter stories, like Awaken: the Wonder Woman AU no one asked for. And some will be one shots.
> 
> Anyway, thank you once more for supporting me through this story. Thank you for all the kudos and comments.   
> I'll see you soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!


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